Oh, today has been a sad day.
I’m not on here hardly anymore.
My life is messy though. Nothing new there lol.
I got my own place! With a roommate. She was the first friend I made upon moving to Oklahoma ten years ago. We’ve had our ups and downs, but she’s always been there! She’s going through a break up… Sorta. She moved out, but they still see each other. He wants her to move back in. We’ll see where that goes.
Me and Steven are still separated. He is still crazy. He already broke down my locked, front door. Smashed out my car window last night. Few weeks ago, he broke the gear shift in my car.
Mentally though, he plays a good mind game. I told the cop last night as he was lecturing me, “I know, I’m a lifetime movie…” like tonight he wants me to come over so he can “fuck me”. He does these crazy things and acts like nothing happened. Tells me I’m a crappy person because I wont sleep with him. He’s a man. Its his basic instinct. Blah. Blah. Blah. Said he’ll go elsewhere… Of course, I said okay! We haven’t had sex in a very, long while. And I’m content… He destroys the things that I work very hard for, he verbally abuses me almost on the daily. He constantly name calls me. I’m a greedy bitch, selfish bitch, cunt, slut, whore… Whatever he feels that day. Ugh it’s complicated! Just so over everything.
I met a guy. Well, I’ve met tons of guys. My problem is guys. I either have the worst taste, but I feel I attract crazy. And always I’m acussed of it being my fault. I make them act that way. NOOOO. You act how you act. Anyways so I have met this guy. We’ve been talking since about January… He lives 3 hours away so he would drive down to see me every other weekend that I have off… And omg. Finally, I met a guy worthwhile. He’s quiet and shy, but adorable. He is hilarious. He has a good job. He has goals. He is sweet. He drives 6 hours round trip everyother weekend just to visit for a couple of days… I could see myself falling for him.
Right? Wrong. Ugh he got a work transfer pushed through to go home to Illinois that he filed for right before meeting me… I’m so sad.
Ugh I’ll update more later.
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