phage in The Thing

I feel like coherence is a luxury that I usually can’t afford. But maybe this is a moment for splurging.
There was a ‘close’ death to me in the last few weeks and I found myself in a position in which I am usually in this situation.
Far, far away.
I do not know why I avoid the dying. No matter the relation, I fear my reaction will always be the same.
so
I descend into
this
shame
and fear
and hope
that I
may find
strength where
I am
a
coward