Equilibrium in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I’m in the midst of my second week back in Northern California and things have already changed immensely. First, I’ll get the bad stuff out of the way. My grandmother is currently in the hospital because she has fluid in her lungs. This is not the first time she has ended up in the hospital, but this is the first time I’ve been around and been able to go see her.

Now, I also have an intense fear of hospitals. Just like my response to athletics and gyms, I get intense panic attacks whenever I go in a hospital. That was probably the most difficult part of the situation. My grandmother, the angel that she is, was lying in her bed apologizing to everyone in the room for interrupting their day. I felt such a burden. She’s sitting there looking worried, and I knew that if I showed even a fraction of my anxiety, it would upset her even more. So I went into comedy mode and started telling her jokes. I have never been so thankful for my ability to make people laugh. My jokes weren’t particularly funny to anyone but her, but her laughter relieved the tension of everyone in the room. Everything immediately felt lighter.

You know, since I don’t know what happened since I’ve been back, but it’s like I’ve gotten my focus back or something. A real seismic shift happened. I don’t know how to describe it except to say that I stopped dicking around.

I’ve only been home now for eight days. In those eight days, I’ve gotten two jobs, secured myself a place to live, a vehicle to drive, gotten myself on a regular exercise routine, put myself on a voice-training schedule, established a budget, assisted my mother, grandfather and the neighbors, I visited Edgar and shamed him for being an ass, patched things up with two old friends, and have begun planning a vacation for myself.

I didn’t accomplish half that much in the last six months. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say I suddenly knew what I was doing.

I purposed myself to three distinct things that needed to get accomplished to establish a rhythm. I needed to put myself back on a voice-training schedule. I needed to continue with my badminton training here in Northern California. And I need to find a church.

The last one still needs to be accomplished but that’s because it’s much less straightforward (no pun intended) than the rest. I know some people find the idea of religious affiliation to be rather distasteful but I know how to deal with those foibles. I’m not sure that the church was evolved enough for me in the past, but there are places now that exist and are able to cope with the New Lands of the 21st Century in a much better way.

The other things just sort of happened. The jobs I have are only temporary because I need to pay off the massive debt I incurred by making the choice to pursue “higher” education. I’m actually looking very carefully at what exactly I want to do with myself from this point on, but I’m keeping it closely guarded for now.

I’ve also stopped posting on Facebook for the most part. I think I’m going to follow the youth in their social networks of desire. Facebook is no longer secure and a welcome part of our neighborhood. Plus, I find the fact that businesses have Facebook, Twitter and Instagram really disgusting. I don’t want to socialize with a company.... that’s just stupid. But apparently, I’m in the minority on this issue since one of the things I was trained to do in school was maintain a company’s social media.

I think finally getting out of the haze of 19 year olds finally cleared me up and brought me back to speed with where I am in my life. I finally found some balance.