he was the better. untill. he wasn't. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

so evan & I are having issues again. well the main one being I haven’t heard from him in almost 3 wks. w/ no explanation as to why. I know he doesn’t have money for a phone but gdamnit. they have courtesy phones in grocery stores even in CA i’m pretty sure which you can use for free. he still has my number it hasn’t changed. he hasn’t emailed me or texted my email. and every time this happens I want to leave. I get so tired of this constant back and forth. he’s either with me. or he’s not. it’s a really good thing we’re not dating. yeah for the most part for the past almost yr. we’ve talked almost every day. and when we haven’t he’s gotten at me w/I a wk. see this is why I worry about him. is bc he’s given me no explanation. far as I know he hasn’t called.
I’ve been calling the last number I have for him but to no avail. I’ve known the guy for almost 3 yrs. and. if he hasn’t gotten himself together by now then honestly I don’t know that he will. well if we’re not talking we’re also not fighting, so. he’s not spiking out and even if he is i’m not hearing it. don’t miss that. yeah but that’s the thing. is I haven’t heard anything. maybe 2 [well ok almost yrs. ago] when I was really sick. maybe that was* as good as it was ever going to get w/ us. he was there for me day in and day out. cause he was so damn worried. yeah as he should’ve been. and I know he has health issues except bc he’s moved i’m not going to go and look for him. it was bad enough when I ran away a yr. and 4 months ago. to look for him here. [well that’s partially why I left] much less another state. and part of it might be my phone just sucks and he in fact has called but I don’t have any knowledge of that cause as said.
if a friend needs space ok. but I want to know for how long. it doesn’t have to be like ‘well I need space until april 23rd’ kindof thing but give me some kind of time frame. like, a wk. or a month or w/e. and I don’t want to bother his mom. I know she has a lot going on. well one big thing. her husband [evan’s dad I mean] passed 2 yrs. ago this aug. i’d ask Pat but well he’s not arund anymore, so. evan doesn’t seem to have a lot of close friends which makes it difficult. and he never has the same phone number for more than. like a month cause he either breaks or loses his phone.
yeah i’m disappointed. I had plans for us. [again no we’re not dating we’re just good friends]. and I think I always will. but ya know..........if oct. [2014] is going to end up being the last time I see him. and that was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. [I don’t know that it will be but I don’t know that it won’t either]. then. i’m ok w/ that. he knows how I feel about him so it’s not like that’s gone unsaid. he was there when I was sick and i’ll never forget that.
I think that. the universe arranges things in a certain way. and maybe. having 2 no wait 3. having 3 new drs. in my life was..............erm. um. maybe the fact evan & I haven’t talked in awhile is the universe’s way of making room for the new people. I don’t know. [and.or. maybe I don’t want to admit how much I don’t like this the details of it].
guess i’m not strong enough to be alone. well it’s not that simple to just give up on the history 2 people have. well not for me.

Last updated May 29, 2015