New job, my brother, tired. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I worked 11-1pm at new job yesterday and then 4-9pm at my old job yesterday. I’m pretty fucking tired because I’ve had to be at the new job at 10 or 11am everyday this week and I hate having to be up early. Anything before like noon is early for me, haha. My last night at my old job last night was pretty good and I actually felt a little bit bad for leaving because one of the girls I worked with starting crying because she’s so upset about me quitting. She really hugged me a few times and was really emotional. I had to hug a few different people because they told me they would miss me. Aww…

I worked 3-6pm tonight at the new job. I was still feeling pretty nervous because I had to answer phones and do some other things but now that I’ve done it, I’m ready to go back tomorrow and make some serious cash. I honestly think I’m going to like it there except I’m a tad worried I’m not going to get as many hours as my last job. I’m only scheduled 19 hours next week and have a closing shift on Thursday which means I won’t leave until around midnight. I’m definitely not looking forward to this at all but I’ve asked for 4-9 shifts and hopefully that’s what I’ll be working next week and from here on out. I’m still toying with the idea of finding a little babysitting gig on the side for some extra cash.

My brother is probably my biggest annoyance. He’s known all week about me having to work both jobs and I’m just exhausted from not only doing both but being nervous, which in itself is tiring. He asked me yesterday what my schedule was for today and even thought I didn’t have to be there until 3 today, I told him I was going to be sleeping the fuck in until noon because I’m dead tired. Well, he called last night when I was working and asked if I would watch his kid this morning for a couple of hours and I fucking blew up. I’m sick of him not listening to me and him acting like nothing I have going on is of any importance at all.

I just don’t understand why he’s so self centered and just doesn’t have any regard for me or what I’m doing but I’m fucking over it. I talked to him awhile ago when I got off work and he mentioned me coming over tonight to see her before she goes to bed but I haven’t heard back from him so I’m guessing it’s because they are pissed that I didn’t watch her today (even though I said I’d be sleeping in) and if that’s the case, that’s fine. I’m tired of them being so demanding of my time and him not respecting my schedule. I don’t know why the fuck he’s like this but I am about to pull the plug on seeing her all together.

I am just super tired and would like to get caught up on sleep. I am going to see about finding a babysitting job of some sort to supplement my income until I get my hours at my new job. I am a tad concerned but hopefully it’s just for now until I’m not new anymore. I have to make a certain amount of money to stay afloat so I am a tad stressed about this. I still have to report my new job to housing and see what my rent will be. I am supposed to get my bonus check from my old job but I doubt it will be anything great because they are pissed that I quit.

It was nice to get off at 6pm tonight because it’s fucking cold and I’m enjoying just sitting here watching tv in my pajamas. My back has been hurting and it’s probably because I’ve been eating junk again. I’m just ready to be completely comfortable at my new job and have a more relaxed schedule so I can start working on my whole diet thing. I still haven’t heard about my Belviq and it’s probably time to make a phone call over to my nurse and see if my insurance has approved it yet. It’s been about 3 weeks so my patience is completely gone. I’m pissed because now if I get it, I’m going to have to deal with the side affects all over again. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up because they were so awful.

The new job is going good. I’m definitely ready to not be the new person anymore and ready to completely know what I’m doing. I hate having to ask questions and go through being new. It is definitely getting easier but my anxiety is still there. I do worry about not getting enough hours but I’m sure it will be fine. I worry about having to go back to my old job because I could get as many hours as I wanted but maybe not getting as many might be a good thing too. I’m just still adjusting to this job and how different it is compared to my old one. Even if I go back there, it would be on a very part time basis and it’s probably not going to happen. I do think about it but I think if I end up not wanting to stay where I’m at, I may just get into a whole different job entirely. I know that I plan to do this job at least until Summer is over though.

I’m happy that I don’t have to be there until 4:45 tomorrow and then 4pm on Saturday. My Mom wants to go rummaging on Saturday but I don’t know if I’ll want to or not. It’s going to depend on how late I’m there tomorrow night because I hate getting up early. I’ve hung out with my parents on Sunday and Monday. They seem to be doing okay and I’ve talked to them on the phone everyday. I do have my guard up and don’t expect much. I’m sure it will end up where it has a million times before but as long as they don’t ask me for money and shit, I’m fine.

I’ve been so busy lately and it’s been really nice. I’ve managed to forget about so many things that have made me feel depressed. Starting a new job hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. I guess changes have gotten easier after everything I’ve been through. All I know is I do like the type of job that I do but I don’t want to do it forever. I’m just hoping that after next week, I won’t be put on closing shifts anymore because I hate being out late and struggle to stay awake. I’m hoping that next Thursday night I’m going to have to do this. One of the guys I work with was bitching about not getting enough hours but I think it’s just because they are trying to get a couple of people to quit so they are moving schedules around.

I have been thinking about my old job but it’s crazy because I have yet to shed one single tear about leaving. That place is nothing more than a sandbox to stick your fucking head in and I’m glad that I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I just got tired of giving it my all every day, working my ass off while other people just stood around and knowing I was never going to get a fucking raise. I worried more about that place than I ever should have and don’t feel the least bit bad for quitting. I handed my store keys over to my boss last night and all she said was, “thank you” which was all I really needed to know that I was making the right decision to leave the place behind. I do like knowing I could go back as it’s my safety net but it’s just crazy that after 17 months, they did nothing towards getting me to stay.

It feels so good to just be at home, watching tv and being warm. It’s been cold here the past few days and it’s really starting to piss me off. I honestly hate the weather here and I honestly want to move somewhere that stays pretty warm all year around. I can’t fucking stand being cold and the other I get the more I notice it. It’s almost April and it would be nice if it would get warm and stay that way.

Time for lounging in bed and watch some tv.