Ever Try To Eat Depression? in Just a wolf...
- March 20, 2015, 1:34 p.m.
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- Public
My eating habits have gotten really bad again. It’s been a year since I’ve been able to work and it’s taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I’m getting tiny again and it freaks me out. Back down to 108bs. (115 lbs is what I try to stay at) It’s a good weight for me and my height..5 lbs more and I look chunky, 5 lbs less and I look sick. I’m always riding this fine line.
On good days, I’ll smoke pot all day and eat normally. On bad days however, I smoke my pot and get my munchies but I can’t get my throat to work. I can’t swallow the food. And if I can’t eat, I get sick, only bile. It’s not good. This psychological dent is really hurting me.
But the only way I can get better is by getting immigration taken care of and getting myself a job. By getting our life started…I’m tired of waiting for ‘our life to get started’. I’ve been saying that for too fucking long now. I WANT TO WORK!! To be able to pay my half of rent, utilities, groceries, and everything else in life. Especially my pot. I’ve been smoking for free for a year and yes, I’m bitching about it. I’m perfectly capable to getting and holding a job, I SHOULD be able to pay for my own weed! Bat’s grandmother gets pissed when I say I feel like a mooch, it’s not who I am. I take care of myself! But I can’t right now, I can’t pay for a fucking thing, and it makes me depressed. I’ve been through too much in life, I can’t be completely dependent on someone like that. It makes me feel like dirt, filth.
I want a legit job. Probably back into retail, stocking shelves at night..I loved working nightcrew..Hated the customers with a bloody passion, mind you, it was open 24/7… And how I always dreaded 3am cause that’s what time the bars would close and the drunks would come piling in for some munchies or attempted thefts. But I loved the job itself, the fast paced work environment, the crew (nightcrew workers get along amazingly with each other because they pretty well all hate people), the competition and, well, just the night itself.. I can’t imagine working days ever again..ESPECIALLY NOT RETAIL.
Oce I start working again, I know my eating habits will get back to ‘normal’
Now for some more work on the mannequin I’m making (By the way, It’s too pricy to buy one so I’m making one instead)..it’s a bit bigger than me but this was only my first attempt so I’ll probably be making another at some point.
-Wolfy
invisible ink ⋅ March 20, 2015
I spent my college days working third shift as security for a dorm.... after the drunks came home it was perfect. I could read/study and it was sooo quiet. Got to see a lot of people making complete asses out of themselves and for the most part it was pretty entertaining....
Wolfy11 invisible ink ⋅ March 22, 2015
Heh...yeah, drunks can be pretty entertaining, but when I'm working I just want them to disappear. I wouldn't do security mainly because I don't like confrontation. Also, if its too quiet, I'd get bored, maybe fall asleep.. I need a fast paced environment, I can't be staring at a clock for 8-9 hours...it'd kill me.
But I guess if you were in college at the time, the peace and quiet must have been great, I'm sure.
Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ March 21, 2015
I work nights, stocking shelves! The fast pace and physical challenge are like fun to me; every night is its own tiny challenge.. (and ya, I hate customers too!) :)
For someone with personal pride and a strong work ethic, not being able to work or help support your life together must be torture; I think I would destroy myself within weeks if I did not have work as a distraction. I know you're creative so I hope you find plenty to keep yourself busy while the remaining time passes, and take care of yourself as best you can!
Wolfy11 Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ March 22, 2015
I think my love for Bat is the only thing keeping me from completely destroying myself that quickly. I do it slowly, yet unintentionally. It's not till I look in the mirror or when Bat says something that I really notice my body weight. Two days ago he said I looked unhealthy, so we had Big Macs and fries yesterday, which I force fed myself. He force fed me too when I didn't want the fries. Eating habits are the first thing he and I ever talked about, We would never let each other go without food.
Writing, crafts and Minecraft....I love to create :)