Sick and Tired of being Angry in My this and that

Why can’t I love the people that Jesus loved the most? The broken, the liars, the drunks and drug abusers.

Every day I’m faced with it, and everyday I interact with these people, and everyday they walk out of my office and I am confronted with the fact that maybe I didn’t handle it well.

WHY is this so difficult for me to do? WHY can’t I just love these people, treat them well, and not look down on them? WHY do I always leave myself feeling guilty when I’m short or cross with them. WHY do I do that to myself?

And what would Jesus do? Well… does he care if your enabling them? Or are we called to give to the poor, and then it’s up to them how wisely (or unwisely) they use the money? And when we give to these people consistently, and another person comes in that’s just in a tight emergency spot just this once and we can’t help them because all of our money designated to this area is gone… then what? Perhaps that doesn’t matter… you can’t plan for all hypotheticals.

But when they lie straight to your face, and look you right in the eye… must be my human nature but it makes me all prickly… I feel like a hedgehog with all my quills standing up… just an anger takes a hold and I want to shake them and say “Why do you think you can get away with this?!” But that’s not Christ-like either.

And I realize what a horrible terrible example of Christ I am being… and it makes me sad and sick…

We all have something we struggle with… for me it is obviously loving those who are harder to love… and for those people maybe they are struggling with lying… maybe every time they leave my office, as I feel bad for not speaking well, they are feeling bad for lying (or abusing alcohol or drugs, or whatever).

I’m no better than them. No sin is greater than another in the eyes of the Lord… sin is sin… just because my sin doesn’t hinder my ability to work or anything doesn’t matter. It makes no difference that my sin may be wrapped in a neat, put-together, pretty package; and that their sin may be dirtier or smellier and more obvious. I have no right to look down on or judge anyone.