15-03.02.53 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Heavens to Murgatroyd!

Stay off the computer for a brief while to appreciate NOT studying for a minute and the world erupts, lol. Super tons of updates on Facebook; super tons of bookmarks on Prosebox… lol. Definitely going to take me a while to catch up and read everything and respond to notes!!

So… what have I done today since I haven’t been glued to a screen? My wife had the day off, so we went shoe shopping (we both desperately needed new shoes… we’re hard on footwear)....... and then I was able to convince her of my diabolical plan! Muahahaha.

It would be easy for even a disinterested casual observer to see… my wife has incredibly shitty self-esteem; ridiculously low sense of self-worth; and (I think) is constantly looking “outside of herself” for everything because she can’t stand what she sees/feels about herself. As someone who wants to be a loving and supportive husband… that does take it’s toll. In a number of ways. Obviously, since she hates herself so much… that is a big reason why we rarely have sex. She can’t stand to be sexual as she doesn’t see anything sexy about herself. But it is deeper than that. I mean… imagine your spouse, or your best friend, or maybe even your child… someone you genuinely care about… now imagine that, no matter what you say or do, that loved one is constantly consumed with a deep self-hatred that colors almost everything they do. You care about this person, so you want to help. Enter… Diabolic Plans with Positive Intentions.

Studying for the bar involved hours and hours of sitting around. Even with the occasional run; I got out of shape. Luckily, I didn’t add any pounds (hooray) but still… my body got out of shape. My wife received P90X last year for Christmas (meaning XMas 2013). She did it once, really liked it, and never did it again. So… I figured, I could do P90X… get back in shape, maybe lose some weight, hopefully get sexy… all things that would help me personally and hope my marriage. But also I figured I might be able to rope my wife into working out again at the same time. If she could “help me” and “teach me” the P90X stuff.... so far (1 Day) we’re good.

We both did the P90X workout for Day 1 and we’ve scheduled Day 2 tomorrow. I can’t be certain that it is going to work. But… hopefully… I mean, that is what my life is these days.... hope. Hopefully, working out will make me feel better in general, will have a positive effect on my own self-image, will have a positive effect on how other people look at me, and will have a positive effect on how my wife sees me. Hopefully. Hopefully, my wife will stick to working out as well and it will make her feel better, have a positive effect on her self-image, and have a positive effect on our marriage. Hopefully. Hopefully, I passed the Bar Examination and the good news will be here on April 15th; which will mean I can keep working out and keep trying to tackle the remaining 2015 goals. Hopefully. Hopefully, Mortal Kombat X arrives at my house on time on April 14th and the game is amazing, works well, and all of the DLC Codes for Pre-Order work the first time. Hopefully. Hopefully, I’ll be able to schedule time to see friends or hang out with them on-line in Video Games or Facebook. Hopefully. Hopefully, whenever I pass the bar exam, I can find a job that I can do well, enjoy, and pays well. Hopefully. Hopefully, my wedding photographer takes me at my word that either through cooperation or litigation, our business WILL be concluded this year. Hopefully.

Which is funny. When we started law school, a good friend tried to guess what Lantern Corps I would be best suited for. I told him that I was easily a Red Lantern… justifiable rage. He told me that surprised him as he was certain I would have been best suited for the Blue Lanterns… hope.

As far as everything went today? Well… some progress. I realized that I was far more out of shape than I had anticipated; my wife realized she was more in shape than she realized. Of course, she was able to turn that into a negative because it just frustrated her that she was “more in shape than she expected” but that her “gut was getting bigger and bigger!” I do have to admit, for myself at least, I’m a little worried about the exercising. I mean… I can already tell what areas are screaming out “You have fibromyalgia… stop trying to make things worse!” But… hopefully, it is something I can work through. I do not want this… condition… to keep robbing me of things. I will continue to work hard to keep my life as “normal” as possible. I was able to control the pain for a long time… when my life became more Office Work and Sedentary, the drugs were a blessing. Therefore, logically, I should be able to continue with my life the way I desire.

Plan for the evening? Shoot an e-mail to the wedding photographer. “Hey, you gave us good news 4 weeks ago but never followed through.... GET ON IT!”
Then I am going to cook some nice steaks we got for Christmas. Really hope they haven’t gone bad or anything but… I honestly just did not have time, energy or focus to cook those while I was studying for the bar. Then.. maybe… hopefully watching Frozen. We’ve had that DVD here from netflix for… I’d say a month or more(!) and it hasn’t gotten watched. We’re watching it, sending it back, and moving on… I don’t care that my wife keeps “not really being in the mood for it”. Then… who knows? Video Games? Catching up on Internet contacts? A long soak in the tub? Who knows? I return to work (sort of) for a shift tomorrow.... life getting back to a form of normal while we all hold our breaths.