Day off. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I had a helluva time finding the motivation to get out of my bed and actually go stuff today. It’s still super cold here and I’m just completely and utterly over it. I am starting to think we aren’t going to get a summer time again. I fucking hate how cold it gets here and freezing my ass off. I did however finally take out garbage and cleaned out my car. My brother called and wanted me to come over but I didn’t as I had things to do and once I get over there, I’m not allowed to leave so I didn’t show up there at all today.

I went and got my nails done again but this time I did the gel nails with purple and really pretty sparkles. I really wanted to do the french tips because they are my favorite but she talked me into the gel and I like them because I’m able to change my nose/lip rings, they will take a lot longer to grow out and they are a little bit cheaper. I also got groceries at Walmart, cleared out the garbage from the inside of my car and looked around for a CD player because mine is completely shot. I ordered one but it’s not going to be here for a few days.

It’s been so nice just being able to rest. I got all my running done and took a wonderful nap on the couch. I’m really stoked that I’m off tomorrow as well. I pry won’t work as much next week but I’m liking the bigger paychecks and now that I don’t have school, I am able to work more. I’m still happy with my decision to drop out and honestly, I wish I would have done it sooner. I just don’t think that college is for everyone and it’s definitely not for me. I don’t plan to go back. I can get better jobs with the education I have and I won’t let anyone make me feel like I should regret my decision because I don’t.

I just saw on Facebook that Eric’s brother (the one I slept with before Eric) just got apprehended at a motel here in town. Apparently he had his bond revoked for aggravated assault and domestic violence. Holy shit, I seriously had no idea he was that much of a piece of shit!!! I can’t believe that he was in that amount of trouble and I’m glad we only hung out a couple of times because finding this out makes me feel uncomfortable that I was alone with him! He didn’t strike me as a violent person and honestly, he was very soft spoken and pretty quiet so all of this takes me by surprise!! Eric text me about his brother the other night and told me that his brother said I was a mistake....I don’t know if he said that just to be mean or not but that really hurt my feelings.

Anyways, I just did about a mile or so on my new treadmill and it doesn’t sound right so I will be sending it back. I have a UPS guy coming to get it but I threw away the box it came in so I’m not sure how they are going to take it but I let Amazon know and they are going to send me a replacement which is nice but it will be the process of waiting for it to get here and then get my brother to set that one up too. Ugh, I hate this. If they didn’t sell shitty products I wouldn’t have to go through this! It sucks and I want to just keep it but whatever the noise is is fucking scary and it’s just getting worse so I don’t want to keep using it as it’s probably not safe.

I’m pretty tired from being on the treadmill so I’m gonna take a shower and put in a movie. I have not heard from Brian all day today and I’m pretty glad as I didn’t have to drop the bomb that we are done. I’m hoping that he just goes away completely so I won’t have to have this conversation with him. I hope that he just assumes what I’m going to say and doesn’t bother me anymore. I just can’t have this kind of situation as I’m the kind of person where I need someone all the way or not at all. I’m not going to be someone’s part time go-to person ya know? I deserve way better than that and I’m not going to settle for less, even if that means I will continue being single. I know that I liked him and everything but this situation isn’t fair to me, his girlfriend, or his kids. Yes, I am my first priority but I’m thinking about everyone involved and if he could do this to her…why wouldn’t he end up doing it to me???

It’s unfortunate that things are so fucked up but I have decided to stop looking. Every time I come across someone who I think might be worthwhile, I’m always barking up the wrong tree. I know that Brian definitely means something to me but he can always have a place in my heart but I can’t allow someone to be playing me and yet I’m supposed to be okay with it?! Men are seriously really fucked up creatures and I know I’m going to be just fine staying single, paying my bills and the wrong person will come along some day. I’m honestly not ready to be in a committed relationship anyway nor am I ready to try to open my heart enough to trust someone, I honestly doubt I ever will be.

Shower and movie time.