Auntie Noko in Everyday Ramblings

I almost but don’t quite feel guilty that we have had a run of beautiful clear but cold for us days. The light is shifting from harsh winter to soft glorious spring. Mt. Hood yesterday afternoon was absolutely breathtaking in this soft low southern light. It is hard not to believe in something greater than oneself and one’s small little anxieties looking at that in the course of just moving through town.

The person that is the building manager for the church building I am teaching my Monday public class in appears to be just a bit of a flake. My contract was up this week and I didn’t know what to tell my students. I finally heard from her yesterday afternoon and am able to renew for another two months. I am getting really close to breaking even financially on the deal, which is pretty good after only seven weeks.

Although I still have raging fits of insecurity on occasion I love teaching this class so much. People laugh and groan and get silly but mostly they pay attention and work hard and one can’t ask for more than that in students. They are awesome.

In my Caregiver class last night I had two families, both had been at least once before but never at the same time. I knew they were each from Alaska so I mentioned this and it turns out although they live in completely different parts of the state they were all Samoan. The older mother in particular, who has limited English, was absolutely thrilled to be able to speak her native language to talk about her experience with her son.

It was most definitely a multi-lingual class and oh they all laughed at my white girl stiff hips. Wonderful wonderful people under extremely difficult circumstances.

I always get anxious and tell myself I’d rather not teach this class because it is all so complicated and difficult and then I go do it anyway and magical things like this happen. They did not want to leave the room. A little relaxation and community, the best balm in the world for a weary body.

On Friday and Monday I am going to play hooky from work part of the day and go sub the morning classes over at the studio. It is a lot because I am still tired from the weekend, both physically and emotionally but I can’t think of a better distraction.

Kes is coming up and spending the night tomorrow on her way up for the big move in Seattle next weekend. I hope so much that she will able to pace herself as she helps out. There is wear and tear here. My relationship over the years with Miss T. my niece has been complicated but I adored her unconditionally when she was a child (we are much alike in some ways and that is eerie to see) and this last Saturday it felt good to tell the folks stopping by that I was her Aunt.

With a capital A.

I hope Kes gets to focus on that. She only lived with my oldest sister for a brief time in her twenties although there were years when they lived in duplexes that were attached. I guess what I am hoping is that the physical memories of living with particular things aren’t as powerful as they were for me.

We all travel through grief in our own ways and at our own speeds.

I was telling my students this week that one of the things one learns practicing yoga for years is a kind of stubborn discipline. If you do something on one side that you don’t enjoy you know you still have to do it on the other. And you do, because you are in a class and we are social animals, and most times it isn’t anywhere near as bad as you imagined and you get through it and afterwards you feel better.

That resilience, that determination is so very helpful in going through what our family is experiencing right now, this unwanted, and sad transition.

Last updated February 25, 2015