Eating Pussy. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Consent: Implied or not, never hurts to ask. Whisper, “I want to eat your pussy.” or “Can I go down on you?” Or ask, “Would you care to partake in some cunnilingus tonight?”, whatever.

Foreplay: Most people would appreciate if you started with a kiss. Now repeat after me, “Everything but the clit.” Good. Kiss her neck. Kiss her face. Cup her boobs. Flick/suck her nipples. Kiss her tummy. Massage her back. Kiss her pubis. Kiss her thighs. Touch behind her knees. Lightly caress your hand over her pussy while kissing her neck. Good. In a pinch, remember: neck, nips, and thighs.

More foreplay: So you’re ready to start using your lips and tongue on her pussy. Now listen, “Tease the clit.” Kiss around. Pubis, inner thigh, outer labia, inner labia, maybe a kiss on the hood on your way down. Good. Now. Start using your tongue. Think, “Explore.” Inner labia, the openning of her vagina, her hood, the head of her clit. I said TEASE, be gentle, slow. If you can’t deliberately feel her, she can’t deliberately feel you. If she has a bush, bury your nose in there. If she’s shaved, kiss every exposed inch.

Fingering (optional): Whatever jackhammering you’ve seen in porn, forget about it. The majority of nerves are towards the outside of her vagina. Lube your middle finger, or if you feel confident, put your finger in your mouth for a second. You have two options: G-spot, or vaginal openning. The former is famous, the later is not exactly a sexy term. For the former: Curl your middle finger toward the anterior wall of her vagina. (That’s the “top” if she’s on her back.) Feel for something fleshly just inside. Rub in a circle motion. Now reach past there and do the same thing. Ask “One or two?” There’s a good chance she’ll prefer the former movement.

For the later option, simply use your favored hand to gently massage the openning of her vagina. She may prefer/enjoy limited digital penetration with this, but that’s up to your communication skills.

Licking the clit: She’s warmed up, you’ve tasted her, you’re ready. Now repeat after me, “This is not a charge to orgasm.” Your goal is to make her feel nice things. Got that? NICE THINGS. If you know your partner well and can charge, well, this doesn’t apply to you. When in doubt, be gentle, rhythmic, and patient.

It’s still not time to attack the clit. There’s lots of strategies, but try massaging your tongue left/right up and down her pussy. This ends up looking like a Z pattern. What did I say earlier? If you can’t feel her, she can’t feel you. Be deliberate. C’mon, FEEL her. That’s it, feel the entire length of her clit, from head to where it seems to disappear behind her hood. Build a dynamic rhythm.

More clitlicking: Don’t stop doing what you’re doing! Be patient. What did I say? Don’t expect her to orgasm. By now you’ve noticed some kind of reaction. Whether it’s in her thighs or tummy, or a change of breath, THINGS FEEL NICE. If she’s dead-calm, that is NOT a sign to jackhammer her clit. Do you spasm like crazy every time someone touches your genitals?

Think of it as a percentage of time spent on the clit. Maybe it’s 50/50 between clit and everything else. Then it’s 75/25. Then it’s 90/10. Speed and pressure should ramp GRADUALLY. Real advice? Pick a strategy and count in your head to 300. Fairly good chance you’ll get some reaction, either physical or “Uhh, try something else” before you finish counting.

After being shoved off: So after some time she eventually pushes you off. Sometimes being done is being done. But, BUT. Try kissing gently around her pubis and thighs. If she does NOT jump away too aggressively, try working back towards her pussy. A “I’m done” can quickly turn into “uhhh, okaaay.” Remember your foreplay and continue.

Postcare: She may want to wash, or just pee. Offer affection, cuddles, and perhaps food. When the time is right, ask bluntly what you did right and wrong. Emphasize that you’d like to improve upon your performance.

Post-postcare: Thank her for letting you go down her.

Last updated February 16, 2015