I need a more interesting ceiling in Boredoms

I’ve had an off day today. I haven’t been able to bring myself to do anything, productive or otherwise. Tried to play games earlier but couldn’t even work up the interest. Too distracted for reading. Netflix ended up being the only real answer. I finished my 2 month long binge watch of Criminal Minds and so now I was ready to find something else. I settled on American Horror Story since I had yet to see the 3rd season. It’s proving to be a good distraction. I don’t why I feel like everything has been sucked out of me but it’s very annoying.

I have a bad tendency to pour over my life and make myself feel like shit for any little thing I could have done better. Just so we’re clear my labeling it as a “bad tendency” is my way of acknowledging I shouldn’t do it so please refrain from any super unhelpful responses about how I shouldn’t do it. I got stuck on the last time I saw Brynn. I tried to hang out with her a few more times since then; one of those times she randomly decided to go on an out-of-town adventure without cancelling on me and after that she just stopped responding to me. I don’t know what it is about her that keeps me from realizing she really doesn’t enjoy my company at all. She allowed me to hang out with her once more before she left out of kindness, and everybody sort of has that moment where they feel they’ll miss everybody when they leave no matter how little they cared for them. So, I feel dumb for every moment I thought we’d keep in touch when she goes or the even more ridiculous notion of visiting her. Stop being a dumb shit.