FRIENDSHIP: WITH PEOPLE AND YOURSELF / SOLITUDE in THE WORDPLAY WARRIOR

“The older we get, the fewer friends we have.”
“Nobody wants to be alone. We’re social creatures.”
“I can never really be alone; I could go crazy if I were!”
“Why do you want to be alone? You’re WEIRD.”

I bet we’ve heard this a thousand times before – or perhaps more. I am also certain that there have been many articles covering this.
What is friendship to you? It varies in every stage of life.
How old were you when you started making friends with other kids? Probably when you started school – or when you were taken out on a stroll outside home to play with other kids in your neighbourhood. Without the major influence of the latest technology these days, friendship for kids in general is simple. Who asks you to play with first and who you ask. Who sits next to you in class and what toys you play together / share with. What games you play together. Perhaps you also do other stuff together, love and hate the same things...and / or the same people, sometimes with the most irrational reason. (You know...kids.) It’s the “I love this game because my best friend loves it too” and / or “I don’t like him / her because my friends think he / she is ugly / funny / weird / etc.”
The bad news is: NOT ONLY KIDS use such reasons for something. Adults do that too – and they can be pretty annoying, downright nasty, and also...much more dangerous that they might be life-threatening to anyone they don’t like.
Now think about teenage years and adolescence, like in junior high school and high school. These may have been the best of times for some people, but not so much for others. It’s the time for self-searching and one (might) feel like seeking for (public?) acknowledgment, if not just attention. (Popularity contest, anyone?)
Watch some teenage movies (especially Hollywood) that show you about cliques. It’s true, although some scenes might have been wildly exaggerated. Whichever group you’re in might determine your popularity. (That, if you still care and / or even have the time and energy to worry about it.)
It’s all good, really. There’s nothing wrong with that. (Don’t we all want to belong, at least deep down inside?)
However, it becomes a problem when one group starts acting oh-so-superior towards another or more. It always is.
What if you don’t belong to any cliques? What if you just want to get along with everybody?
That’s okay. In fact, that’s even better. That doesn’t mean you don’t stay true to yourself and stick to your principles.
What if sometimes you just prefer being alone? This may come out as strange to some people that they (tend to) comment:
“Nobody wants to be alone. We’re social creatures.”
“I can never really be alone; I could go crazy if I were!”
“Why do you want to be alone? You’re WEIRD.”

I know. Not many can take it that well, right?
There are many reasons why some people prefer being alone. Perhaps you need some time with yourself. Perhaps you just need a decent break from the real world outside, from being around other people. It’s not always because you don’t need anybody or think too highly of yourself. It could be because sometimes the world just demands too much from you that you get so tired, so exhausted, so fed up...and guess what? That’s okay too. You’re only human after all and so are they.
Sometimes you need to be alone only because you need to learn to be. Sounds strange? Not really! In fact, I’d like to congratulate you for that.
Why? It’s very simple: nothing lasts forever. People change. Time flies. We’ll always be tested in life – and we get different tests every time.
For some people, college / university can be a turning point. It’s time when you need to start seriously considering your next steps and carefully weighing your options, before coming to a final decision. Most of the time, you’d better do it alone, because it’s all about your future. You’re the one living your life, so why choose a major you don’t like only because your best friend does and wants you to do the same too, so you guys can hang out again after class...just like old times? Why turn down a scholarship offer abroad, ONLY because your boyfriend / girlfriend can’t stand you being away from them and demands you to stay? I am sorry; that’s just selfish! If he / she really cares about you and your future, they should support you.
If not? Then you should probably let each other go. Perhaps you two are just not meant to be and that you have to deal with it. I know this sounds harsh but it’s true. Welcome to the real world, by the way.
If you know how to be friends with yourself / solitude, then hopefully you won’t be having these issues:
This is why some (tend to) have fewer (good) friends as they grow older. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not always because they’re such awful characters that nobody wants to stay friends with them that long or ever again. (Although this reason still does apply to some people.)
There are a lot of other elements that take part in it. Schedules clash. Work. Other new friends and social activities. Spouses. Kids. Family crisis...
Need I say more?
As we grow older, we need to realise and accept the fact that sometimes we need to rely more on ourselves and learn to fully embrace solitude as it is. Your ‘best friends’ might be fun to hang out with in college, until the day they start ditching group assignments and leave you all alone with the clutters for any reason. (Worst of all, some can return just to collect the credits they don’t really earn.) Someone you never really know (or even care, for that matter) might turn up to be your superhero, your saviour in the end.
Life is not all about you. We’re not always available for each other, so why take everything all too personally? Being too busy for each other doesn’t necessarily mean you stop caring. We can always try to make time, even if it’s only to talk on the phone or video-chat on Skype. Come on, use the social media for THIS – not for online-bullying!
Most importantly, don’t always wait for others to reach out to you first. If you can’t hang out with them all the time (or at least not so much anymore), then take it easy. Timing could possibly be the main issue here. You can always re-schedule – or hang out with other people for a while.
Or you can have some ‘me-time’ quality. Connect (or reconnect) with yourself. Do fun things that you can enjoy alone. Seriously, if you don’t know how to be happy by being yourself, how can you be really happy with other people around?
My brotherly best friend has his favourite quote: “All should be in moderation.” It’s true that you do need to meet people, but sometimes you need to be by yourself too. It’s just that simple.
We all have problems. We’ve been through unhappiness and experienced loneliness. That’s normal.
However, it’s also up to you to choose – whether you want to do something better out of it...or just make that as a lame excuse / justification to act like a jerk towards other people. Because if you keep on expecting others to be fully responsible in making you feel happy, then when will you really grow up? Did you ever do that?? We all know that NOT all adults are that mature – and oftentimes they don’t even realise that!

R.