So Here It Is in Coping

I decided to write about what it is that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about..... ( LOL ) And I’m sure I’m going to get a lot of lectures and be carefuls and so ons, but here goes.

I have met someone..... on an online dating site...... A Catholic online dating site. And yes, I know that there can still be freaks and all kinds of terrible people on Christian dating sites too. Which is why I am going to be extremely cautious when we meet in person for the first time..... which is going to be next week. We will only meet in public places and he is going to be staying in a motel while he is here.

His name is Richard, he is 52, and he is from Yonkers ( which is about 4 1/2 hours from me ). We’ve been talking, both on line and on the phone for about a month now. He is caring, kind, so sweet, and knows all the right things to say. There in lies the problem. So did Ronnie.

He knows all about Ronnie. He promises me that he is nothing like that. He promises me that he won't treat me like that, that he won't use me, that he won't hurt me, that he understands I'm a little scared and leary now of any relationship with a guy. He says we can take it slowly and go at my pace. And I sit here and think, " Is he too good to be true ?". He promises me I won't get hurt. And, he says that I some point I have to take a chance at love and living life again. And I think about what Elton wanted for me and agree with him. He's right, but I'm so afraid of being hurt. Ronnie did such a number on me, nobody knows how badly I was hurt by him except for my best friend in Alabama. It goes deep guys and I don't know if I could go through that again. But do I let that control me for the rest of my life? How do I not?

And Richard? He makes me laugh.... He makes me smile.... all the time, not just when we are talking. I think about him all the time and he says he does the same. He’s never been married, says that he never found the right person. This I CAN believe as I personally have known people who haven’t found their mate until later in life. My brother didn’t marry until he was 48, my aunt until she was in her mid 50s...... He does have a son who is 14, but is not active in his life, only because the mother took him across country. It wasn’t a good situation.

So yeah, there it is.... I'm happy, so happy but due to Ronnie I'm so afraid it won't last. I'm afraid to fully trust, to let this be what it is, to let Richard completely in to my heart. And THAT, scares me because it may mean that in the end I will lose him, that I will lose a chance at having a loving, happy relationship again, the one thing that Elton wanted the most for me. How could one guy, the wrong one, screw that up so badly for me. Asshole.

OK, how come when I came back to my entry part of it was showing up with blue print in a white box? Almost like a copy and paste box…sort of

Last updated February 03, 2015