Twitter: Daily Affirmation in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Everything, or almost everything, I write here I do so intending for it to be read, commented on, shared, or at least get people thinking. So… as much as I write for me, I do truly write for others. Whether to begin a conversation, seek advice, or simply make “pen pal” internet friends. However, what I share now is not specifically intended to illicit a response (share if one comes up, though, of course). What I write now is as a reminder, as an encouragement, and as something I know I’ll need.

Already I see a division in thought. My mother sweetly and lovingly sending me encouraging notes and texts to assure me that I needn’t panic; pushing me to try but cautioning me against going too far. My SIL, as a perfect wife for my brother, has taken the more negative route… the “If you aren’t studying every waking moment of the day, you don’t deserve to pass” path. She does it from love, but as she was never in an advanced degree and has never had to take any form of licensing exam… my instant reaction to the hurt and pressure is I want to whip it back at her. That isn’t fair or kind. I need to convince myself that I have nothing to be ashamed of… so I wrote the following. It will be hard to believe- be it tomorrow, 20 days from now, or April 15th when scores are expected to be announced. But.... it is something I must believe.

I’ve never worked so hard, nor studied so much than I already have for this bar exam. With 20 days left, I plan to double down on that- studying harder, working more, doing everything possible to place myself in the best situation for a possible pass. Win, lose, or collapse… hard as it is now to believe (or will be to believe in the moment)… I’ve put the work in, I’ve pushed myself; I deserve to stand tall no matter what.

That is going to be so hard to accept, but I must. There is only so much work I can do… and while, I suppose, if I needed to take the exam again I could put more study into it… I have already studied and sacrificed a great deal. If I needed to take the exam again… the only thing I could change is that.. I studied a little in December (1), a lot in January (2) and even more in February (3). If I needed to take the exam in July; I’d study a little in April (1), a bit more in May (2), a lot in June (3) and even more in July (4). But… lets be honest… taking what I’m going through now and applying it to four months… that is no guarantee of success and a surefire way to destroy me as a person. So… I have done and am doing what is required of me… when the time comes to stand against The Dragon, I should be confident to meet its gaze as I lift my sword. Though I may perish in the attempt, I have nothing to apologize for.

Last updated January 05, 2016