the two dogs inside you in poetry

There are two dogs in each of us.
One is a pug that tries to do people things.
Post pictures of him to tumblr & wait for your TV deal.

There are two dogs in each of us.
One of them only eats the cat’s poop.
So really you only have to worry about feeding the cat.

There are two dogs in each of us.
One of them is Goofy, one of them is Pluto.
Goofy gets to wear people clothes and Pluto doesn’t.
For reasons only Disney’s frozen corpse will ever understand.

There are two dogs in each of us.
Unless you forgot to spay and neuter those dogs.
Then there are like thirty.
Bob Barker is very disappointed.

And yeah, I guess also
there are two dogs in each of us
one mean and one good
and sure, we get to choose which one we feed.
But if all you feed them
is empty motivational poster cliches
they’ll both either end up
bloated or starved
and useless either way.

So find that adorable little pug
trying to eat spaghetti
and put it up on the internet
you never know
that’s what passes for entertainment these days.