Wednesday - 01.28.15 in Your Face

I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning. It was very, very difficult. Granted, it was 4:30am, and I think that’s an absurd hour to have to get out of bed. Absurd. But, one bathroom and two persons needing to shit, shower, brush teeth, do hair, do makeup (me only, haha) etc and needing to be at M’s job by 7:15am means an early wake up call.

I got my work done last night, despite my shitty internet dropping out every 3 minutes. I wish I was kidding. It was a fucking joke.

M made meatloaf, mashed potato and green beans for dinner.

I think today is going to be a long day at Solicitor #1’s office today. I am struggling with concentration, and have a ton of research I am meant to do. Perhaps I’ll put it off a day, and instead try to get some organization done for that file instead. I don’t know, to be honest.

Oh, my dad replied to my email overnight - he did get the Christmas card. So maybe I’m being unreasonable by assuming that my step-mother would have ripped it up. I just don’t know. She would fly off the handle at me and accuse me of crap I hadn’t done (like make jokes about her on Facebook, for example) and then I’d explain to her that she was wrong, she’s obviously misinterpreted something, and she’d apologize. Rinse and repeat. Finally, a few weeks before I left Australia, she launched into me again via FB chat (I had already blocked her number after a 1am, hour long rant and a series of calls while I was at work where she’d call, let it ring out, hang up, call again, non-stop for 40 minutes or so. I’d call her back in my lunch break because I’m an idiot, and cop another blasting). So, finally I told her I had had enough, I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, I thought she was ill and needed mental health treatment, I loved her, but I wasn’t going to have her accusing me of things I hadn’t done, goodbye.

After I did that, she called my sister’s house, who was at work, and instead launched into her fiance, who yelled at her and told her to get some help, to call my father if she had such an issue and he hung up on her. She blew up their phone until he unplugged it.

So, my assumption has been that she’s blown up about that and that she must think we’re all terrible and hate our guts. But maybe I’m wrong. I hope I am. I still want a relationship with her, but I can’t deal with her when she’s like this.

Who the fuck knows, right? I will see if I can squeeze any information from my Dad when I see him in July. He’s so close mouthed about it, and doesn’t seem to accept that she’s nuts. Which she is, very clearly. But, that’s his business, I guess.

Guys, I am so fat. So super fat. My pants are so tight, as soon as I get home (and sometimes at work, let’s be honest) I am popping the button and loosening my belt. I tried to put on a sweater I brought from Australia, where I was already fat, and now it’s too tight to wear, which means I’m even fatter. I’m eating less than normal, I mentioned that. I feel awful about it, even though I know it’s because my medication is failing.

I’m freezing.