February looms in Give me your soul

Loosely based on board game “Disaster Looms”. February is going to be fraught with feelings and things. A good friend of mine is moving away the exact week I start rehearsals for the show and, unless she changes it, on a day I have both work and rehearsal and no time to see her off. That makes me sad but I’m trying to see her as much as I can/she wants before then. I’ve always had the hugest of crushes on her and was really glad to be able to have her as a friend and I’m going to miss her incredibly. I did my best last time I saw her not throw out any “I’m gonna be so sad when you’re gone” stuff and stick with “This is going to be so exciting for you!” stuff. I do believe that, and I really hope she makes a successful go of it. I believe in her.

Also, work threatens to pick up immensely in the first few weeks of Feb (sick of spelling it out now). Hoping it’ll plateau out by the time rehearsals start but even if it doesn’t it’ll be easier getting through work when I have exciting stuff to think about. I’m more nervous about this one than I ever have been about any other shows I’ve done, including my very first. I’ve never been entrusted with a part that has so much…weight to it. My first show I was just a lowly chorus member, no eyes were on me and I could blend in nice and easy.

I do miss it so much, though. I think I need it. I realize I’m trying to connect this back to my glory days of high school theater and relying, at least partially, on this show to help me feel some of that again. I know it won’t be the same thing but it’s as close as I can get. I miss the electricity I used to feel on an opening night. The whole day I was about as glowing as anybody has ever known me to be. I loved watching people bustle around hectically, I found it calming for some reason. That first show I did, that first opening night, I was there 30 minutes ahead of call time and I sat by myself on the outdoor stage waiting for the teacher/director to arrive. It was warm, being spring and all, and so very calm. It felt so wrong for the world to be so still when I was about to explode with nervous excitement. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with that this time. Just pace around the house for hours? I doubt I’ll be able to concentrate on much else. I’ll see, I guess.