A Happy, Healthy 2015 to All of You! in New Immigrant

Thank you for your notes! I am overwhelmed by the kindness. I think these months would have been easier if I’d stayed with you. I have been muddle-headed. For months I’d start mental PB entries and
squash them as “too depressing.” I wanted to be “other directed” and now I can be. As of last week Tom’s Sister (Penny) is free of the “Order of Protection” (on the grounds it was never needed) and the nursing home director’s (questionable) assault charge.

Our nephew, Dave, hospitalized himself three times between Thanks-
giving and Christmas and is now in therapy. That is all we know. At
court appearances he was very unwell physically and emotionally. Mental
illness is behind all of this and others buying into what Dave said. We do not know whether Dave remains a danger. I’m not sure even his wife
knows.

His wife is grieving over the family breakdown and has allowed niece Jen and Penny to see the children. Of course Violet and Lila (4) have suffered
too. Violet dropped out of college at Thanksgiving. Lila had been having “accidents.”

Penny is on good terms with Jack’s nurses and is spending most nights
with Jack. The family crisis definitely affected Jack but he has had some
good days recently. His dementia has progressed, with more delusions,
but he does have lucid periods, which are wonderful but also make Penny
worry that he should be home.

Tom is a new man. Toward the end certain topics would send him into a
wholly uncharacteristic loud-voiced rage. He was at his wits end. I feared for his health.

We learned too well about the cruelty of the US legal system. At the same time, though, its unfairness and slowness also increased our understanding of what minorities and poor people are up against. That was mind expanding and very depressing.

As you might expect, the holidays were dreadful. I had a meltdown on
the 24th but thanks to friends who asked us to join their family for
Christmas Day, I got back on track.

Forgiveness and understanding is a blessing. When the hurt and anger
subsided enough to enable more compassionate thoughts, I feel I have
gained much. My heart grieves for our nephew who is anguished, feeling
that he failed his Dad. I ardently wish him peace. Our ability to help people with mental illness remains in its infancy, I believe.

Our vile CO niece, who has shunned me for 14 years said the most disgusting things about Tom who took amazing care of her grandmother
during her nine year decline with dementia. Her behavior is beyond
my comprehension and she isn’t worth my thoughts. She also hurled cruel, hurtful accusations at her disabled sister, Jen. Jen is working hard at forgiving her (she taught me its importance many years ago) because Liz was literally by Jen’s side for both brain surgeries and they have been very close during her adult years. I hope they will find common ground
aga

At the final court appearance Penny’s only witness was a Black Nurse
who was signing Penny out the day everything started. From the beginning she told Penny she would tell her story even if it meant
losing her job. To all of us she is a true hero. Fortunately too, she
took a new job closer to her home, before her court appearance.

Okay, I hope that’s the end of having to talk about all that. Thank
you for listening. Dreadful events are learning experiences but I
don’t wish such a thing on anyone. We called ours The Laughing
Family and although we didn’t all love all the others, we could sure have
fun together. That is worth having.