Meh...Just Meh... in meh...

I am feeling totally lazy today.
I don’t even know if I can call it lazy. Maybe it is. It’s cold out. The sun is shining. Maybe I need the sun shining in my life. But I like the dark better so that can’t be it.

I just want to take naps all day, but there is stuff to be done. My kitchen, fine tuning the living room. All that good shit. Laundry, I need to do that because I don’t have a dryer that works properly. Takes a few days to dry on the lines.

My little cousin is coming to see me, I think. I haven’t seen him in years. YEARS. Thing is, he actually came out. I saw it on him as a child but some men can be efeminate (sp?) and not be gay. He was afraid to come home because of his two older brothers. He felt they would want to “beat the gay” off of him. Or at least that’s what I was told. This family is full of gossip mongers. That’s one reason I separate myself. News travels, incorrect information travels, much like on facebook. Lol My cousin, his aunt, mentioned this to me at a function at my moms nursing home. Then she followed it up with I will just pray for him. I just want him to know that I love him regardless of how the family may eventually treat him.

Truth be told, I do love my family but I could do without the judgmental part of them. I’ve never seen a bigger group of unsuccessful or barely making it people that make it hard on someone else because they aren’t at a standard they aren’t even at. My brother is the most successful of anyone if you measure by money amount, but he isn’t perfect like he fronts to be. Many skeletons in his closet. He thinks everyone has the same path. Everyones journey is different. We are polar opposites.

At any rate, I’m lying in bed, clothes on, needing to get it together and I just don’t want to. Maybe it’s depression setting in. Maybe I’m anxious about something. I’m done with my book, thinking of reading Gone Girl, but I kind of want to read the follow up to the book I just finished. Get myself in a reading state of mind for when I start school next freaking week. That is so strange to say, but I’m glad its happening.

My stinky cat neighbors are active today. I think I actually heard a vacuum running. We share a hall way that leads to our separate basements. It. Reeks. I don’t think it fair that I deoderize that hall and I don’t own the animal that causes that smell.

Anyway, I’m done boring myself. I’ve been catching up on Snap Judgment radio show episodes I’ve missed. Maybe something was triggered because the last show I listened to, I made love to Him on the couch while it was on.

Haven’t heard from him since the phone call. Guess he is preparing too. Not sure if I will ever see him again before it happens. Maybe that’s for the best as well.

Gonna nap.
Kindest regards,
Sister