Incoherent recap, as best I can remember in What's up

In no order.

They aired the “documentary” about my sister’s murder. Other than the names, the story bore little resemblance to the facts. The police didn’t cooperate, and since the family didn’t either, they had to derive from public record and embellish. Though traumatizing, I have a hard time even being mad about it. It was too stupid to be taken seriously.

My brother and nephew visited for Thanksgiving. We were both a little out of it: he had hurt his back the day before the 20-hour drive, and I had oral surgery two days before cooking the big meal. We made the best of it and it was awesome to be together.

More than missing my sister, I want her back. I seem to have reverted to the phase where I expect her to call or text before I remember she’s gone. It will never be less than heart wrenching.

Frank hired a guy whose dad died shortly after he started work. Frank Googled to send flowers and discovered the guy’s sister had been murdered by her husband a year before Jessie. We have been able to talk about things you just don’t talk about with other people. It’s a weird bond to share.

Frank and I celebrated two years married on the 28th. The holidays are a blur, the kids were gone for Christmas, but we went up to Old Town, ate oysters and checked into the Hilton in the middle of the day. He is the best thing I know.

We bought his daughter a Kia Sportage for Christmas. She JUST got her permit and doesn’t even start drivers’ ed until May, but somehow this made sense. She is over the moon. We now have five cars on our insurance and one in pieces in the garage (the ‘55 Willys Wagon he is determined to restore.) No car payments though, so yea!

I got through another busy season with work. The government was very delayed in issuing the contract announcement this year, so my usual spring windfall didn’t happen until fall. All in all a good season after a slow start. I don’t have to work the rest of the year unless I want to.

I don’t want to. I am writing the book in earnest, at least a couple of hours a day. I bought a ChromeBook as a dedicated writing machine so I can carry it around and write anywhere (recommend! The battery life is insane!). I also learned to use “TK” copiously and it has sped my writing considerably.

Health: I started running in earnest in August. I got some decent trail shoes and have fallen in love with outdoor running. I’ve been sidelined with oral surgery (bouncing and mouth pain don’t mix), but look forward to starting again as soon as I can.

We went on a few trips. Florida to help his mother who took a fall and needed more care than his dad could handle. In and out of a rehab joint, on 14 different medications, blood sugar and pressure all over the map. Frank took things in hand to make the medical folks step up. Then we both went to set up a plan for Big Frank to monitor and report her condition. Things are much better for now, but her dementia is progressive. We will have to make a plan.

Upstate New York in the fall for family and a dear, dear friend. Frank’s uncle’s 80th in Poughkeepsie, then Rochester for a too-short visit with a woman who has been my beacon for the last two years. Sherrie lost her husband, cruelly, nine months before I lost Jessie. We have leaned on one another, but really, she has been my inspiration.

My son split from his wife, the mother of my granddaughter. This is not a bad thing for any of them, I think. She is sweet and constant and keeps us in the loop with every milestone. She will always be family.

Frank remains a rock. The most adult, steadfast person I’ve ever known. I don’t know how I got so lucky. We have our issues, mostly around communication as we speak different languages (writer-vs-engineer), but we both think we are the lucky one and that affords a lot of good will.

He’s taught me to define my terms, even when I think we are on the same page. One morning this week it was about belonging. He says he can belong anywhere. It was later I realized he meant “fit in.” For me, belonging isn’t about a place you fit in, but a place that is empty when you are not there.

Those places become fewer and fewer as we lose those we love. Building them where I am seems important.

I’m trying.

Last updated December 30, 2014