Christmas and Gram in Life

It’s been 9 years since we lost Gram, and sometimes I feel that loss as sharp as the day I took the call from the hospital. Christmas is always one of those times. Gram loved Christmas, not for the decorations (although for her, the gaudier the better), not for the gifts, but for the time spent with loved ones. So, Christmas is always filled with memories of Christmases spent with her. There’s always a Gram story or two floating around. We always make candy. You always have to lick the lid of the sweetened condensed milk and eat a little from the can when making the candy. We still do that with a laugh and a “This one’s for you, Gram!” Some Christmases I feel the tug more than others. This Christmas I felt it. I always go by the cemetery after I leave my parents’ house on the way home. Tonight, I sat on the ground by the tombstone, leaned on it, and cried like we had just lost her. I don’t know why this one hit so much harder, but it did.
We had a good Christmas. We planned it very relaxed. Of course we had to get up and be over at my sister’s by 6 am (if Cbaby had her way it would have been earlier, but my sister refused.) We watched them open and opened our gifts from my sister and Cbaby. We made our way back across the field to my parents’ house. Had breakfast (sausage balls - we must always have sausage balls for breakfast). They came over and we opened the gifts from my parents, me, and Tootie. Our lunch was grilled sausage, brauts, and hot dogs. We wanted a slow, easy Christmas and we got it. We all sat around, played games (our new board game this year was Who, What, and Where - tons of fun if you like drawing games), and just had a peaceful, easy Christmas. My aunt and 2 of her kids came by to visit after they had gone to check on my uncle’s plot (he’s buried in the same cemetery as Gram). We had a good visit with them.
I don’t know what triggered it, other than my heart was heavy with the loss of Missy (I admit to crying a little when we put her stocking aside, she’s the only one left with her own stocking), there are others in my extended family that are facing loss and struggles, and of course sweet Sam who spent Christmas at St. Jude’s. I don’t know if all of that made the thoughts and feelings stronger, but whatever brought them on, I miss her dearly tonight.
I didn’t mean this to be a depressing entry. I hope all of you had wonderful Christmases with those you care about. I did. I loved my day and time with the family. Now to go watch the last of the Christmas movies and get some rest.