The One That Took Months To Write in Daily Dish

I often find myself sitting down and writing…a lot. Then something interrupts me and when I come back to my writing, I delete it. Every single time. It doesn’t matter if it is an email, a post, some creative writing, instructions, it just doesn’t matter, I delete it. It isn’t frustrating at the time, it is later when there is nothing and I don’t feel like writing anymore.

Things have been different lately. Work has seemed busier. There was some “empty” time last week, mostly on Halloween just because nobody was at work and the last day of the month is either busy with prep work or not because nobody has sent anything in yet. I did some running around and chatting. That was basically all I did. It was so quiet in the office…I sort of loved it.

My creativity has been lacking of late. I am not sure what the problem is. Some nights I sit down and make some incredible things and then other nights when I think I am going to rock something hard, everything goes wrong. And then it seems I spend so much time planning and never get around to putting the plan in action. Hoping I can figure out a workaround soon.

I finally started my Christmas shopping. I say finally because my sister is already thinking about birthday gifts (still four months away!). It would go a lot faster if I had ideas on what to get people. It is that point where everyone is to that age where there is nothing that they can think of. There is all stuff we want, but we don’t know how much we want it or we don’t want people to spend that much on us. Cooper does want a sheep for Christmas, so I am looking for one at a reasonable price. Elliott is a tough nut because everything he gets, Cooper manages to take. And Ell is such a peacekeeper he doesn’t make a fuss.

I have spent a TON of money on stuff lately. Not stuff I need, just stuff I want and of course I want it RIGHT NOW. So I am utilizing some creative accounting to pay for it. I could kick myself for doing this again. It will work itself out by the end of the year though…it has to. I have new obligations coming in the new year. I am hoping that my major medical bills are done with for a while! Last year it was a CAT scan and this year it was a liver biopsy. Both are very expensive and wiped out my Flex & reserve money. But now I have a diagnosis and I should just have to have routine blood work (at intervals I determine). I am thinking about shopping for a new primary care provider. I am not happy with my current one. The process of getting a diagnosis took almost a year! One full year! And my concerns were not addressed in an understanding way, actually they were addressed in a way that made me think she didn’t know what the hell she was doing.

I wish another bonus would fall in my lap this year. I know it won’t, but it would be awesome if it did.

There has been nothing but drama with the extended family lately. My cousin’s cousin (get that?) committed suicide a week ago and my cousin was out of town and made all these vague comments on facebook and it was just so annoying. Then all the posts started about how much they loved her (the cousin) and what a great mom and daughter/friend/cousin/sister/etc she was. I hate when people do that, when the person was not great! Seriously she was barely a mother to her child, she fought with her sisters, she fought with my cousin (I am pretty sure they were not even talking to each other at the time of her death), and they just write all this bullshit fluff. You don’t have to call her a bitch and such, but don’t sugar coat it. I actually saw where her sister was honest and it was refreshing. And of course my aunt HAD to go to the funeral. Never mind that she did not know Nelly, but for some reason she had to go. And there she got the “real” scoop on what happened. I told my mom what had happened (I got the story from her son’s best friend who spent the entire day after with him) and my mom glossed over the gory parts for my aunt because she thrives on stuff and makes it about her. I saw dear auntie in the store and she proceeded to tell me all about it. I just don’t understand the obsession with death. It is still going on a week later. Cousin posted that it is “going to be a long road”. It was a cousin she didn’t talk to, that she fought with. Plus she is still going on about her brother’s death (eight years people. Eight years!). I have more than dealt with my dad’s death. It sucks, it was hard, but it didn’t linger. My mom and I talk about him all the time, joke about him, for us he is very present, but we don’t post or take out ads, etc. My sister is different. She refuses to discuss it. Maybe it’s because she didn’t see him or because she lived away. I don’t know. It is her way of dealing with it and while it confuses maybe bothers me a bit, it is her way and I respect that.

I have probably made the worst decision I could have made. I decided to make my aunt a mini album for Christmas of my cousin (the one who died eight years ago). She will cry, it will be fake and her “sadness” will last for weeks. But, I am committed now. Mom thinks it is a great idea, and she will appreciate that (I know she will), but still…

The night is winding down now and I am going to do my end of the night routine (IG, a last look at FB, maybe read a chapter (actually that won’t happen, I will play a game for a half an hour)).