Final went great, now officially on break. in Since OD is shutting down....

I did my final test in 13 minutes and got 98/100! I couldn’t be happier! I knew that I would do well since I find that stuff super easy but it’s just nice to have it over with. I came home and worked out for about an hour and got my shower taken. My friend called to say that a bunch of people from our other store have quit, something about there’s money missing and instead of trying to figure out what happened, they accused a manager and she quit, along with some other people. I think it’s hilarious that my boss just doesn’t get that you can’t treat people like shit, pay them the bare fucking minimum and expect them to stick around! There’s so many other places we could all go work that would treat us better and pay us more so they need to understand that none of us are going to be permanent employees. I’m glad I was made aware of this situation because now if I’m asked to close, I’m going to tell them that I just don’t feel comfortable with it because I don’t want to be responsible for money.

It’s just crazy that the manager they asked about it walked out because she has worked for them for years. It’s just sad that they don’t bother to spend some time trying to figure out where the money went before confronting someone. I know this girl that she would never steal from anyone. I think that she’s over that place and being accused of stealing money was the final straw. I also think that’s why a bunch of other people walked out with her. All of them were sick of being shit on!

This sucks because I was actually looking forward to going to work today because I haven’t been there for 4 days but now I’m feeling super stressed because now I worry about how this is going to affect me and my schedule. I’m just not into closing anymore because I’m just too worried about the same thing happening to me because I can’t get the deposit right for the life of me and I know if I got confronted about stealing from them, I’d probably walk out too. I am just so fucking beyond over that place and if that happened to me, it would put me over the edge.

Ugh, the job stress is already starting and I don’t have to be there for 3.5 more hours. God, I’m so tired of worrying about that fucking place. Again, if I’m offered a decent deal with this home health place tomorrow I’m fucking taking it. I just feel like I owe it to myself to explore other jobs and work somewhere that would appreciate me more and would be emotionally fulfilling. I don’t even want to go to work now because it’s going to suck. I really wish my boss and his wife would wake the fuck up and realize they’ve lost some really amazing people because they treat everyone like shit and don’t pay enough.

I’m so glad to be out of school for 3 weeks though. It’s time to really buckle down and get in some serious gym time. I should have gone today but when it’s horribly cold outside, I’d rather stay in and work out because then I can shower and not have to worry about going outside being sweat or having my hair wet from showering there. I’ve started taking water pills today and I’m going to see if they help or not. I plan to be very careful because I know that they aren’t a safe way to lose weight and what not, but I just want to see how much excess water I’m carrying around.

I just posted a couple ads on CL for a daytime babysitter or nanny. I wouldn’t mind maybe going back to that, provided I could have a schedule that would work around my school schedule. I hope something decent will come along because I’m just not happy where I’m at anymore. There’s just so much going on with that place and I’m tired of feeling like I’m just struggling to hold on to something that is just not for me. It’s just time for a change. I just can’t see myself continuing on at this job for much longer. That place drives me fucking nuts.

So earlier after I got out of the shower, I realized how much I’ve changed. I’ve learned to say no, to set healthy boundaries with people, to enjoy my own company and not feel like I need to give people so many chances. I know that I haven’t come full circle yet, but I’m a lot happier with how things are going in my life. I don’t feel the need to constantly look for a boyfriend, or find someone to hang out with, I can say no without explanation, get an attitude when I need to and not put up with shit like I used to think I had to. It’s also crazy that I haven’t text my ex and not only that, but I don’t even plan to! If this was 6 months ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated for a second! Honestly, I would have sent a text before I even left the donut shop! I just want him to understand that I’m not that chained up person still in love with him where I’m going to let him know so easily that he’s reeled me back in. I know that I’m not in love with him anymore and it would take a lot for me to feel that again. I’m so glad that I’ve let go of my vulnerable/forgiving bullshit.

I’m soooo cold. At least it’s sunny outside but cold. I hate days like this where I can’t get my feet warm and I have to be at work later. I’m hoping for a good night at work. I really don’t want to leave there because I’m so comfortable but I can’t keep giving my all to a place that doesn’t appreciate it and loves to treat employees like shit. I’m still pissed about the text I got from my boss the other day. I just can’t keep doing this shit. There’s better things out there for me and I’m going to find them.

There’s this song that I came across yesterday called “trying to love me” by Jason Aldean and it makes me think of my ex. I can’t stop listening to it. I seriously want to buy a flashdrive and put a bunch of songs on it that make me think of my ex and give it to him. I won’t simply because then he’ll think I’m still heartbroken over him and then the cycle starts all over but I can’t help still caring for him. Even though I still feel love for him, I can’t show it. The only way there’s a chance for this to work is for me to just back off and see if he reaches out to me and hope he has good intentions and if he doesn’t, well I’ll just continue doing my own thing.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past few months and one thing I’ve learned is I don’t need him to complete me. I honestly don’t need anyone. I’ve managed to do just fine on my own. I used to think that I needed to have a man around to help with things but I’ve done just fine doing everything on my own and that I know I can survive just having myself.

My parents. I’ve also learned how horrible they really are and how they have their own selfish motives, along with an agenda that I don’t want a part of. I understand now more than ever how devious, manipulative, cold, heartless, and evil they really are. I am so much happier without them being a part of my daily life and I honestly don’t care if I ever hear from them again. I just can’t believe all the money I’ve given them that I’ll never get back and then how they have absolutely no respect for my privacy. I’m still really embarrassed about what happened with Ryan. I grew up listening to my parents always gossiping about everyone and just thought that it was a normal way to be but it’s not. It’s really not okay to sit around judging everyone and talking about their personal business. I’ve caught myself doing it and try my best to stop being that way. I don’t want people sitting around discussing intimate details about my life and try to have the same respect for everyone else.

I’m not perfect. Not at all. I have realized more of my faults and weaknesses in the past few months that it makes me grateful for what I’ve been through. I’ve made a lot of progress in so many areas and I plan to keep growing as a person. I know that I still have a ways to go but I’m closer now than I’ve been in years and it feels really good.

I’m hoping it’s going to be warmer tomorrow so I can go do some laps. I’m so fucking over it being cold and miserable outside. I can’t wait until Summer comes so I can be at the gym more and be able to enjoy the weather.

Gonna relax before work.