Chores done, studying, hanging out at home. in Since OD is shutting down....

It started getting super cold yesterday and it snowed just a dusting early this morning. It’s still sunny and bright for a few more minutes until the sun goes down but it’s been very cold today so I’ve had the heat on and had the day off so I chose to stay in my pajamas.

I just got my laundry done and found $33 as I was putting stuff away. I can’t remember for the life of me what pants they came out of or what night but it was a nice find. I may go get something delicious for dinner with it, haven’t decided yet. I also did the dishes and picked up some stuff. I’ve been studying too and am gonna be so glad to get this last test over with and then have a month break. I’m also anxious to sell my books back too because I need money for Christmas gifts. I ordered some stuff but plan to get more for my niece. It’s just been so relaxing to hang out at home, get chores done, and just sit here and not do more than I need to.

Super annoyed that even though I told my boss about my final for tomorrow morning and I will start working Friday daytime instead of Monday nights, they still felt the need to try and call me in. I find it to be very disrespectful and didn’t answer their calls and text messages. You don’t make shit on Monday nights and I don’t want to work with girl that is still giving me the silent treatment. I’m not totally thrilled to work Friday during the day especially when I won’t get off until late Thursday night but I can’t fucking stand working on Mondays anymore.

I have my interview at the home health aide place on Wednesday at 2pm and I couldn’t be more excited. I know that if I’m offered a job, I’m going to take it. They have flexible scheduling too and I think they would pay enough per hour that I wouldn’t have to worry about making tips anymore. I also think it’s my calling because my car will be paid off soon and then I won’t have to be in such a crunch to pay that every fucking week. I’m gonna be in a good position to find something else and I feel like it’s time for me to start experiencing other jobs where I could be more emotionally fulfilled. I just can’t stay where I’m at much longer. That place drives me fucking nuts and I’m so fucking sick of being called in on my days off! It’s not my problem that they never have enough staff! Maybe if they treated people better and paid a little more, they wouldn’t have that problem!

I’ve thought about my ex some today. Annoyed that I’m still wasting my time thinking about him. He doesn’t deserve how much space I’ve let him rent in my head or my heart and I’m just annoyed that I put myself in that situation because I knew that there was a good chance he would be there and that he would talk to me because he’s a very talkative, friendly person. I just need to keep reminding myself that some people will always be a part of my heart, they just won’t be able to be a part of my life. I have to let him go. I’m not going to get him a Christmas present and have it sent to his house and I’m not going to leave a letter on his truck. It’s over and I have to leave him alone. It’s not his fault, it’s mine. It’s my fault because I can’t stop loving him. It just kills me that he’s never going to change and I have to go off and find someone who can give me what he won’t.

This is probably the hardest thing I’m ever going to let go of. We broke up a year and a half ago and I still feel very strongly for him. I guess, I’m going to have to find some way of letting him go. I feel like until I do, I’m going to keep hoping he’ll come around and be what I always needed even though that’s never going to happen.

Anyways, I’m gonna go get something to eat. More later.