I Am Aware in Pain

Too aware most times. I have so much pain. None of the emotional stuff, it’s all physical. I don’t know why i was chosen to endure this life. I don’t know if it will ever stop.

I think about this marriage thing and I wonder how many years I’ll have to enjoy my life. Pain breaks you down faster than one would think. I feel older by the second.

It’s like there’s a million little workers chipping away at my bones and muscles and joints and nerves. making life slower yet speeding things up. I’m tired. so very tired.

there’s so much i wish i could do. so much i am capable of, yet not.

I am 30 years old. i feel 300.