I'm so fucking tired. in Since OD is shutting down....

I honestly can’t wait to get off work tonight so I can come home and go to bed. I have to leave here soon and hoping it’s a good night. I’m super fucking tired and didn’t even want to do Zumba today and actually wanted to leave early because I was struggling to keep up. I was up late because after work I went and saw a friend at her job and visited about things. She has a job interview somewhere tomorrow and so do I. It’s for a place in the mall but if it’s like that other clothing store where it’s only seasonal, bare minimum pay, and part time then I’m not even willing to consider it. I already don’t make enough money to live on and that would be trading pretty rocks for broken ones.

My scale showed me a pound extra this morning. OMG that shit drives me crazy. I know that it probably wasn’t accurate because different things affect your weight but I’m hoping tomorrow it will have at least dropped that pound. I am so careful what I eat and how much so I don’t want to see my weight going up. Seriously so fucking annoyed by that and I shouldn’t be. FUCK!

I’ve cried hard a couple of different times over my ex today. I really want to be done hurting over him. It just kills me that my heart aches for him. I ache for someone who treated me like shit and couldn’t handle being nice to me but here I am, still hooked on the past. I have days like this where I just can’t seem to let it go and then other days, I am totally fine and can think about him and be okay that things are where they are. It just irritates that I’m still heartbroken over him. He didn’t care about me so I wish I could understand why I’m still stuck on him. I know that it’s partly because there’s no one else but because I truly loved him. It scares me to think that what if I did meet someone and then he came back around, what the fuck would I do?!

Anyways, I really can’t wait to get to work and get it over with. I am so fucking tired and I can’t stop thinking about all the shit I have to do tomorrow, including cleaning up my fucking house. I’m so tired and I’m just stressing myself out more thinking about it. I honestly can’t wait until school lets out so I can get more sleep. This is driving me crazy. I’m also tired of being cold too and it’s seriously putting me in a bad fucking mood.

All I know is I get to sleep the fuck in tomorrow and might just be lazy until my interview at 2:30. I can’t wait to be all warm and comfortable in my bed. MMM.

The lady from the depression study called earlier but I was running out the door so she said she called back but then when she did, I was in the shower. I left a message but she has yet to call back. Gah, not enough hours in the day. There’s not enough time to get a good nights sleep but there’s plenty of time for everything else. Fucking annoying.

Time to head out.