Friend's Racist Attitude in SMF's Advice & Self Help Column

Where do I begin my thoughts on the subject of my friend who I think has a racist attitude and is racially prejudice?

My friendship with Aileen Isaac began when she replaced one of my roommates who transferred to Georgia. Throughout my college years, we became good friends.

And yes, there have been times with Aileen, a white female friend, has voiced her racial ignorance. One time sticks out in my mind that I will never forget.

I cannot remember how this conversation started, but it landed on how black American males who been viewed and treated in this country. I believe I was recounting the Emmitt Till story.

A brief synopsis: Emmitt Till was a fourteen year old Chicagoan black boy who visited relatives in Money, Mississippi. It was claimed he was beaten and shot in the head because he whistled at Carolyn Bryant, a white woman. Of course, during that time, the murders, who were white men, were acquitted of murdering Till.

When I told Aileen about white men getting acquitted for the murder of a black teenager boy, she said that I was wrong or mistaken. There was no way murders would get away murder.

So, she tried to prove me wrong and look it up online. Well, guess what, I really do hate to say it, I told her so.

Anyway, I’ve mostly didn’t think about that exchange because you feign it as…someone just doesn’t know a part of American history. As a black woman, I really do put in effort to stay objective when it comes to race. Race, even to this day (We know about this because of what has been going on with black and brown men who have been murdered for not committing any kind of crime), is a sensitive topic between white and black people. And because of the past interactive or passive discussions about race, it is still a struggle for many Americans to discuss it.

However, I noticed that Aileen’s attitudes concerning race has deepened into something that I am concerned about. She used to work at a DFACS like agency. She basically worked around black women. I have noticed throughout the years she has made really vile comments about black women saying that they are ghetto as hell and such. Of course, I call her on it because I have to defend myself. She may not think that she is lumping with those women, and maybe she isn’t…or maybe she is and isn’t doing it intentionally, but it bothers me nevertheless because she is categorizing black women as a whole.

Or last week, when we started discussing Bill Cosby situation and how I didn’t like Bill Cosby before because he was running down black folks as an entire race, she was like…”Well, you have to admit, you know what he’s saying is true.”

I had to combat that and say, “Well, you got white people who at like that too.” Notice I didn’t say all white people act like that.

Now, the most recent conversation, when she brought up what happened with Eric Garner and how the officer got off with no punishment for killing Garner with a choke hold.

While we were having this discussion, I became sort of angry, upset, and a bit pissed. She talked about how the deaths of all these black men made her sad and such…

And one reason why I was upset because I am like…you are upset that these men were killed by police, but you’ve been making disparaging racist remarks more here and more there for the past five years?

I just find what she was saying was disingenuous. Now, in her head, it is not disingenuous. In her head, she may not think she is doing anything wrong.

But I wished she could see through my eyes. I mean to me, yes, it made me a bit angry, upset, and pissy, but now, writing this, after thinking about it, it is confusing.

I supposed the only time I can relate to this is reading slave narratives and slave neo-narratives where you had white families, who own slaves, did actually treat their slaves like a part of the family but also treated them at the same time as beneath them. Nothing more than object, work machines, to make them wealth. To sustain their lifestyles…and their livelihoods.

And the reason why I mention that is…race is a constructive ideology to keep certain people who believe that they are superior….to keep them at power while they have someone who are the inferiors to make them known as the superiors.
With that, I don’t find my friend malicious. I believe she is a good person, but she has developed these racist attitudes especially towards black people.

I know in order to see if I can stay friends with her, I need to talk to her about this. I fear that it will just keep playing out like this, and later on, I will end the friendship with her.

Regards,
S