Weight loss, school, depression study. in Since OD is shutting down....

OK so yesterday was great for a lot of reasons. It was just an overall great day because I chose to not let anything bring me down. I was in a good mood the whole day and I don’t know if it’s because of the flaxseed or what but I am hoping for another good day. I was at work until almost midnight last night and it a pretty good night. I made $92 in tips and nobody pissed me off too much. My favorite manager is looking to quit if she gets a job in another state and I’m not thrilled about that at all. She’s my last person I have there so if she leaves, it’s not only going to be a painful blow to me but the whole company. I also learned on Monday that I am now only going to be a back-up closer because they basically hired a replacement. They still want me to know how to do everything and I still have my manager code, but for the time being I will not be managing. I’m not really sure how to process this other than I feel pretty used for the past 2 weeks and they just had me do it because they had no one else. I’m ok not doing it, at least until I go on break from school because it’s fucking exhausting and I find myself dragging ass every morning because I’m there so late.

Weight loss is coming along wonderfully. I have lost some more weight. I weigh myself every morning and take a picture of the numbers on the scale with my phone. I also did water Zumba yesterday and will do it again tomorrow. I think I’m going to start doing some work out stuff at home on the days I don’t go to the gym. I really hate that it’s winter time because I’m terrified I’m going to catch a cold from going to the gym and I don’t have health insurance and can’t afford to miss work. I can’t wait until Spring gets here so I can go to the gym every day if I want. I wish I would have started all of this last Summer but last Summer I wasn’t ready to change yet. I feel really good about eating right and doing what I’m supposed to. I’m so happy every time I see the numbers on the scale going down, it gives me the motivation to keep eating right.

School. OMFG. I’m so fucking tired of going. Especially to my Anatomy class. Because I’m failing, don’t totally understand it, can’t remember enough to pass tests and the instructor talks way too fast, I hate going. The only thing that keeps me going is that we have 2 weeks left. We don’t have class on Friday and the test is Monday, which I do in the library so I don’t have to worry about going to that classroom until next Wednesday which is really nice. I’m so excited I get to sleep in on Friday so I’ll probably make my car payment tomorrow after Med Term so I don’t have to worry about it Friday since I won’t have class and that’s when I usually pay it. I just want to be done with this semester and get a month break so I can just focus on work, my niece and losing more weight.

I’m really sick of it being so cold. Even when it’s like 40, it’s still too cold to not wear a jacket and I hate having to wear extra layers. I’m also tired of having to worry about getting sick too. I hate waking up to cold mornings and being cold when I get out of the shower/bath. I seriously hate winter time and it seems like it’s harder to deal with every year and I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or because the winters come earlier every year and are so intense but I really want to move somewhere that doesn’t get as cold. I hate being too hold or too cold but the cold really gets to me. I just feel drained on the days when it’s ridiculously cold because it’s so tiring to try and stay warm. I’ve been drinking a lot of hot tea to help with my weight loss as I add lemon juice, honey (for flavor) and cinnamon (helps with digestion, weight loss) but I’m still so sick of being cold. I almost want to buy a portable heater type fan for my bedroom because it seems like even when I have the heat on full blast, it’s still not really helping.

I’m now looking up low carb crock pot recipes online as my crock pot came a couple of days ago and I’m super excited to use it. I’m trying to find ideas that will taste good, be healthy and not terribly expensive for the all the ingredients I’ll need. I also want to make enough to freeze as well. It’s also a fairly large crock pot so I want to be able to eat dinner and then have plenty to freeze for another time. I know they sell crock pot meals where all the stuff you need is package together so I’m gonna take a look when I do my grocery shopping and check out the carb intake and the sodium as I am also cutting down on my salt as well.

I received an email back about the depression study and left a voicemail for the lady, but she hasn’t called back as of yet. I have to leave for work in about an hour an half so hopefully she’ll call here soon or in the morning. I really hope I am able to participate in this because I would love to have someone to talk to on the phone about my problems because I only have one more free counseling session with my therapist. I just hope they don’t share my information or the things I talk about with anyone. I am very open about my problems when I choose to be so I believe that the only time people should know details about my personal life is through me. I’m more worried about it now than I have ever been because I’ve had my problems violated. I will ask about this when I get the chance. I HAVE to know that my life will be kept private.

Got my appointment for housing over with a few minutes ago. It was a very fun meeting. My caseworker is super nice and thought I was really funny. We laughed and joked about men and how all the good ones are either taken or gay. I found out that with me managing the past 2 weeks it’s not going to make my rent increase and I’m now allowed $635 for rent which means I am going to consider looking for a new place. The cost of living here is super high and you can make a decent living and get rent assistance, but I’m actually glad I won’t be managing. I’m just terrified I’d make too much and lose my housing like my friend/boss did and now she rents from our boss and they are constantly bugging her for rent money! I couldn’t live that way and I understand why she’s looking to move away from here. My boss has her by the balls and I would be sick of dealing with that shit too. Not only do they control your paycheck, but your place to live?!?!?!!? FUCK THAT!

I would like to find a place that just as nice as where I’m at, but with a little bit better dynamic. I want to have my own parking that I don’t have to share, utilities that aren’t crazy expensive, and neighbors that are several feet away. I hate living in an apartment building because I can’t make hardly any noise without someone getting upset, I hate fighting over parking and not feeling like I can do what I want. We don’t even have a yard here which drives me nuts because I’d love to live in a place where I could have a yard where I could buy a swing and just enjoy being outside on hot summer nights. I also would like to maybe find a place where I could possibly have a pet. I’m going to spend some time looking for places on Friday. There’s a lot to consider too like how much the deposit would be, what all I would have to do here in order to move, who would actually help me pack up and go, who would help me clean this place, transfer cable/lights, it’s such a stressful thing to think about but if I found the right place, I’m gonna go for it.

I’m still processing how to feel about my promotion getting taken from me temporarily. Honestly, for the most part I’m okay with it. It’s so much responsibility and it’s not a lot more money. My friend that’s a manager only makes $10/hour and when we are short, she does everything by herself! I know on the nights that I’m the boss, I don’t have to do everything and I still feel like I’ve gotten hit by a train at the end of the night so I can only imagine what it’s like to do the work of several people! She even said last night she doesn’t get paid enough for everything she does and I agree. She’s such a great person and has completely poured herself into her job and they take that for granted. They see the ones that work their asses off and they use that to their advantage. Even with me, they know how much I love my job there and know I work my ass off so they don’t feel like they have to give me a raise to keep me. I hope they understand that next month when I pay off my car, I won’t HAVE to stay. I know that I probably will but I will be in a better position to find a job where I don’t have to make tips. I do love my job there but I think it’s bullshit that they’ve watched hard working people walk out the door because they are too fucking stingy to give them a raise!

I know that I need to make some decisions with moving and finding a new job but change is really hard for me. I’m always afraid I’m going to make the wrong move and end up screwing myself. It’s like what if I find a new job but it’s not as fun/exciting/fast-paced and for the most part is what I’m used to like where I’m at? What if I find a decent place to live and the landlord is an asshole or the neighbors are busybodies or crazy? Ugh, I don’t know. I can’t even.

I am starting to get ready for work. I really hope I’m not going to be there super late again tonight because I’m tired and I’m gonna want to get out of the cold. It hasn’t snowed for a few days so roads are good but I’m sick of being cold already. I’m debating on buying a portable heater with my next check. I’m hoping it’s going to be decent sized because I need to pay my credit card, pay on a couple of other things, pay my dvd bill and probably get my oil changed. I also need to fix a brake light because one is burnt out. I’ll probably call and see if they can get my in at the shop I always go to and have them do the oil change and the brake light because there they will give me a discount and I half some trust for them to not fuck shit up and over charge me.

I just had Progresso soup for lunch and a little can of sliced peaches. The soup was only 11 carbs and the fruit was 6. God I can’t believe how easy eating right really is and how much progress I’ve already seen. I just wish it was warm out so I can plan to hit the gym more often. I also wish I had someone to come along. I’d love to play basketball but don’t have anyone to play with me. There’s always stuff I’d like to do but it’s stuff that I’d need a partner for. I also like ping pong. I used to play a lot of ping pong when I was younger but there’s no one to play with. Grr. Super frustrating.

Anyways, I think I’m going to spend some time either Friday or this weekend taking pics and making a list of all the stuff I’d like to sell. I’m going to post my stuff on Amazon.com like I have before. I just have so much shit that’s worth money that’s just sitting around collecting dust taking up space that I could get money for and someone else could get use out of. I also have clothes I’d like to either sell, donate, or throw away. I’d also like to go through cupboards and organize or throw stuff away that’s either expired or I won’t eat. I would love to get this shit done but I know when my days off come, I get kinda lazy. I always plan to do this kinda stuff just do get it out of the way but I don’t like to do anymore than I have to on my days off because that’s my time to rest and refresh. I also really enjoy sleep.

Time for work.