we remember all through our lives in furious, fragile, and free

I had lunch with Patrick yesterday.

and lunch turned into coffee and coffee turned into walking around Old Town.

and through it all, we talked. We talked a lot.

Going into it, I was feeling like I could easily walk away from him, from our friendship, from all the time we’ve known each other. It was a pretty good feeling.

During lunch and looking at his hideously ugly mustache, I was happy for the closure.

But then coffee always brings on more meaningful, honest conversation. He apologized and things were explained to one another and once again, we patched things up. He thought I was going to (mega bitch Kelly!)

I think he might be dating someone. I don’t think we will get back together – something we established yesterday, with his “we’re both so far and so busy.” Which, through further conversation, he realized was stupid. So I don’t know.

We’re friends again, we’re speaking again. He’s trying to build back up my trust in him.

I’m happy with how the day turned out. But I just feel like we’ve been here before. I don’t know how we can be friends because that just basically means what we’ve already been doing minus sex.

We’ve been here before. There’s so much deja vu.

Should I start taking bets on how long until we have sex?

I’m tired of our repeats. I can turn over our conversation over and over in my head until I analyze whatever I want out of it, depending on my mood.

Sigh. I invited him to my birthday party(s). I wish meeting boys was easier. I keep wondering: how is our story going to end? what’s going to happen?