I Am Not Strong Enough in Out in the Open

I thought I was strong enough to accept C’s son. I am not. Lily met him last night and I fell apart. I was a complete mess. I hate C for that child. Not because he had sex with another woman. That’s fine with me. The thing that really destroys me is the fact that a sibling is what Lily has always wanted and having another child is a deep need for me. The fact that C gave her that (and didn’t even want another kid) is destroying me completely.
I hate him. I don’t ever want to talk to that man again. He’s selfish and the fact remains is he cares nothing about what I need. I must walk away. I have to or else the whole thing is going to kill me.