Forgot to talk about a couple of things. in Since OD is shutting down....

I just woke up a little bit a go and I’m about to start my homework. I’d like to get it done so that I can just focus on relaxing after. I’m still super fucking tired and plan to take a nap when I’m done. I slept really good and woke up very warm and comfortable so I am feeling pretty relaxed.

So I had counseling on Wednesday and it kinda helped me figure out why I take people’s negative comments so personally. Because my parents weren’t big on complimenting me when I was a kid, being much of a support system, didn’t go out of their way to make me feel special (like on birthdays and such) I get really sensitive about people not being supportive now. It’s crazy how your relationship with your parents as a child can have lasting affects into adulthood. My parents didn’t ever really encourage me, actually let me drop out of high school, never said anything about being proud of me or anything really positive about me as a person, it’s affected how I perceive people now. I feel like if people aren’t being supportive and don’t have anything positive to say about me that I’m being singled out instead of just accepting that they have their own issues to deal with and I need to not take things so personally.

My parents saw us kids as a burden and didn’t spend any more time with us than they had to. I just remember always doing my own thing like riding my bike or rollerblading all around. They were always so worried about each other and bills that they didn’t spend a lot of time with me or my brothers and it’s crazy how that’s affected me now. I feel like I’ve always been alone, starting with being a kid. My parents really have never done anything good for me or my brothers and that’s why I’m glad they did their own thing yesterday so my brother and I didn’t have to be around them. My little brother was texting and wanted to hang out with my older brother but he didn’t want to drive out there to get him. It’s ridiculous that they have to live so far from us.

Anyways, I’m going to start my homework. I just want to get it over with so I can enjoy the rest of my day. I plan to color my hair at some point today and then do laundry and dishes. It would be nice if there was someone else to do the housecleaning, even sometimes but there isn’t. I’m still feeling pretty fucking tired and just hope my homework doesn’t take too long because I want to get it done so I don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the weekend. I’m annoyed that I’m gonna have to reschedule my dentist appointment because of that class. I don’t even like that class but I can’t keep missing it either.

I’m glad my period is here but I’m bleeding like crazy and have to keep changing my fucking tampon. I seriously need to do something about my stress level because I know that’s probably what makes it late every month. I’m always so fucking stressed out! I just don’t know what to do about it. The only thing I really do that relieves stress is sleep. Ugh, maybe I’ll start doing yoga again.

Anyway, that was earlier. I got my dishes done and cleaned up the kitchen. I got the brunt of my homework done and I’m so happy about that because then I won’t have to spend much time on it Sunday.

My brother has bugged me all day and it’s kinda pissing me off. I tell him that I’m studying but then he asks if I can take my niece for a bit! Um, what part of studying do you not understand?! Then some time goes by and then he asks if I knew if the mail has come. Uh how the fuck would I know?! I’ve been studying for like 3 hours? He just really gets on my fucking nerves. My biggest issue is feeling like people don’t respect my time and that I have other things to do besides worry about them. I’m sorry that he was bored or whatever but I’ve neglected my homework enough and now I may not pass Anatomy. There’s been numerous weekends where I’ve been stuck over at his house and didn’t study so I failed tests and now it’s coming back to bite me in the ass. I just get so annoyed when I feel like people are trying to control me.

I need to venture out and get groceries soon. I have nothing for dinner and I’m getting hungry. I’m annoyed that I’m out of my diet drink and it just had to happen around a fucking holiday. I plan on getting some on Monday, provided they’ll be open but maybe see about buying enough to last through Christmas so i don’t have to go through this shit again. I fucking hate holidays because it’s like the whole world shuts down! Ugh, it drives me fucking nuts!

I’m also curious to see what my new schedule is going to be because if they put me down to close every night that I work, I’m going to fucking say something. I’m absolutely exhausted and refuse to do it every damn night. I’m sorry that there’s no one else to do it or whatever but I have to get enough sleep to be able to function. I’m sorry that I’m getting old and I am a diabetic so I get worn down quicker than other people. I know that I wanted to be a manager but that doesn’t mean I need to be closing every fucking night!

I don’t think my friend and I are going to hang out tonight. She doesn’t have much money and I don’t either. I do need to get groceries and stuff though. I want to hang out with someone but it’s probably not going to happen unless I hang out at my brothers house which isn’t happening. I’m just tired of knowing that once I get over there, I’m stuck there. I’ve done that too many times and now I just try and avoid being there at all. My brother just doesn’t understand that I can’t just hang out on his couch all weekend and I’ve tried to explain that multiple times in the past 6 months but he’s too selfish to fucking get it. I’m sorry that I have other things I need to get done and I’m not going to let someone stop me anymore. I just worry that we are going to end up getting into a big argument, his bitch girlfriend might put herself in it and then I don’t get to see my niece anymore. I just get tired of this same situation every fucking weekend. I start to question if it’s even worth it, ya know?

It’s been about 60 today and sunny. It definitely helps my mood when it’s nicer weather. I get so tired of it being cloudy, snowy, icy and windy! It gets really fucking nauseating after awhile! I fucking hate winter time and would love to move somewhere that doesn’t get as cold as it does here. I never did get a winter coat or boots. I just don’t really have the money for it right now. I will probably buy some winter stuff next month.

I plan to go to bed pretty early tonight as I have to work a double tomorrow. It will be worth it though because then Sunday is all mine. I hope I make some decent money too.

Time to go eat with my friend.