Counseling, work, super tired. in Since OD is shutting down....

I just got back from counseling and have to leave for work in about an hour. I was the only manager at work last night and needless to say, my stress level went from 4 to 675 in a matter of minutes. I had someone start crying, rude customers, people tryna be scandalous, people not doing what they were supposed to and someone telling me that the boy I made out with is butt hurt about me becoming a manager. He didn’t show up for work last night and I’m actually hoping they either let him go or he just doesn’t come back. I’m just over the silent treatment/awkward crap with him at I and now to find out how he feels about me just gets to me.

In counseling today I talked about it. I talked about how I’m sick of no one ever having anything positive to say about me or my promotion and he said that basically because my parents didn’t ever encourage me, compliment me or give me positive feedback, I seek it in the people around me. I hate that because obviously I’m good enough to be promoted and need to just accept that people are going to talk shit regardless if I deserve it or not because it’s not them. I’ve proven myself and yes it is true that at first I didn’t want it because I was fucking scared. It got brought up last night that I didn’t want it at first and I agreed and said because I was worried about my school schedule as well but the truth is, I was scared to death. I’m still kinda scared but I’m not going to tell anyone that. No one needs to know my vulnerabilities. That is my private business and even if it was true that I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have accepted! Ugh, this shit just pisses me off. I am proud of myself though because when this person told me about it I said, “well my promotion is my promotion so I don’t appreciate it back talked about behind my back” and that was awesome. I like how my backbone is coming back, even if it’s just in spurts.

I’m just exhausted. I busted serious balls last night and was there until midnight. I got home and was on the phone with my brother until about 2 am and then got up at 7:30 so I’m dragging serious ass but I’m gonna be alright because after tonight, I’m off until Saturday. I’m going to ask if I can work a double on Saturday so I can be off Sunday. I have a take home test that has to be done by Monday and would like to spend some time working on that. I took my last test this morning and I know I bombed it but I figured some points were better than none. I didn’t get to study at all because of work and honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. I just want to be done with this fucking class.

I have to leave here soon. I am just so fucking tired and I’m hoping tonight goes better and that I make some money because I’d like to have some. I made my car payment this morning to get it out of the way. I got the receipt and the next payment is $1 so that makes me feel good that I’m so far ahead. I’m paid up until February so that’s nice. I want to pay it off with my next financial aid. I am so tired of car payments and it makes me angry that I even have to have them but will be done soon so I’m just tryna get through it.

I’m excited for my blankets and slow cooker to get here. I love the blankets and bedding I have now but I always love having more and I always like being able to afford getting them brand new. I am going to be so happy when they get here. I got all my stuff yesterday in the mail but the lip rings are too long. It was sad because they are beautiful but don’t look right because of the length. I got my yoga pants and not sure how I feel about them.

Work time.