Stressed beyond my fucking limit. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I was at work until almost midnight last night trying to figure out the deposit because just as I was almost done, someone had to start talking to me and completely broke my concentration so I had to redo a bunch of stuff and still don’t know if I did it right or not. I stressed over it and kept waking up thinking about it and what I probably did wrong. I know it’s not a huge deal because it gets recounted in the morning but I want to get it right! I don’t want them to feel like I can’t do it! This is just driving me fucking bonkers!

I then this morning emailed my instructor and told her I was sick simply because I was too fucking tired to go. I then slept awhile longer and then that boy from NY started texting me. We kinda made up but I still don’t trust him and now my wall is higher than ever. I’ll still talk to him just to fill that void and have someone to say ‘i love you’ with but I don’t see him in the same light again. I then got up and tried to get into my online paystub deal because I need my last 4 for Monday and once again, I can’t get into it. I tried and tried and tried for about 2 hours until I finally texted my boss so I’m now not so patiently waiting for her to send me the link so I can reset it. Every time I go through this, I change the password and just believe I’ll remember it but then by the time I need to remember, I don’t. It’s a really frustrating situation that has brought me to tears yet again and now I’m more annoyed that she hasn’t gotten back to me. It makes me feel like it’s okay for me to close and be at work way more than I’d like to be to help them out (since they are on vacation) and she can’t even get back to me?!? OMFG I’m in such a bad fucking mood right now.

I then finally had to calm down enough to finish my packets for anatomy. I have to take the test tomorrow and yes I know I’m going to fail but I think some points are better than none. I’m just so fucking over that class and actually ready for the semester to be over. I decided that if I fail, I’m not taking that class again and I will in fact change my entire degree if I have to. I’m beyond over that class, over the teacher, over having to study for it and over having to be there 3 times a fucking week! I’m just done with that shit!

I also missed my water zumba today. I was awake and could have gone but just didn’t have the energy and felt okay with it as the scale showed a 3 pound difference as of this morning. Maybe the weight is going to come off. I’m going to just keep eating right and hope for the best. I do think it will come off this time. I still have yet to see my period though. It’s been 35 days today. I talked to my brother’s ex in AZ and she said for me to try flax seed. I read reviews online and it sounds like an amazing supplement that helps regulate your period. I ordered some from Amazon.com but judging from the last 3 items I’ve ordered that are still not here for 2 weeks ago, I’m not going to wait that long so I’m just going to get some from Walmart if I get off at a decent hour tonight or probably tomorrow after my test and my class. I have to do something and I’m hoping the flax seed will take care of it because I seriously can’t afford to spend a huge co-pay to see a dr and just have them tell me to try a natural supplement or do some at home crap! Or send me to another dr and have to pay to be seen again.

I’m just so fucking stressed out right now. I’m sick of being at work all the fucking time too. I have to go early again today and my manager just texted saying she isn’t going to be able to be there so I’m really overwhelmed and she’s like my right hand man and I’m scared I’m going to fuck shit up. There will be a couple of other people who are supervisors that will be there tonight that are more trained than me so it shouldn’t be too bad but I feel like I’m just getting thrown into shit and it’s fucking scary! I admit that I don’t know everything I think I need to know and I don’t have enough experience on the computers to do certain things and I hate having to ask someone else all the time to help me do shit. OMG I’m just so fucking tired and stressed out right now. I’m also scared my period is going to come and I’m going to get blood all over my pants or something. I almost want to put a tampon in but they get uncomfortable after so long and don’t want to have one in until it’s necessary.

I really have nothing nice to say right now. I don’t know if I’m just stressed about work and everything or I’m more stressed because my period is coming and I’m just over analyzing everything. I’m just really sick of constantly worrying about my fucking period! My brother’s ex said that it’s possible that because I’m so stressed all the time that it’s making it late every fucking month! Sometimes I really fucking hate being a female! I am just so tired that I want to break down in tears again. I hate not getting enough sleep because it tends to make me even more emotional and it drives me fucking crazy!

I also had a rough night at work last night and nobody would answer the fucking phone. It just pisses me off when I really need to talk and everyone just fucking ignores me. My brother is like the main one. It’s like if he doesn’t need me to watch his kid, he has very limited contact with me. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it’s like this every single night when I’m at work. He rarely answers the phone and it really pisses me off!