The Answers in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

So in my frantic attempt at finding something to do for the rest of my life, I applied to go work in Jordan with the Peace Corps. I was denied, but my mother had this big sigh of relief because she thinks I’ll be beheaded by ISIS.

Now, people have had one of two reactions. Either they think that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, or they agree with my mother and can’t believe I would have the audacity to help “terrorists.”

To be fair, my life has had so many ridiculous events intertwined in it (the 1989 San Francisco earthquake, the Gulf War, 9/11, the War in Iraq/Overseas Contingency Operation-what they call it depends on who’s President) that it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility that I get kidnapped and beheaded online.

But that got me thinking, would that deter me?

I don’t think that that would. I think that my desire would outweigh common sense.

I have so many projects I have to get done today. So instead I’m going to do this survey and watch a depressing French movie about AIDS.

I don’t have any answers to the questions I’m asking so here are some answers to questions that have them.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

That would be Cesar way back in January.

1. Are you outgoing or shy?

I’m a shy person who learned the lesson that shy people aren’t well-regarded so I force myself to be outgoing when necessary.

1. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

I’m very much looking forward to being in Sacramento, if you can believe it. I can’t wait to see my grandmother, my little brothers, my cousins Larry and Stephanie, and even my Mother. It’s been too long. Despite all of my declarations of independence, deep down I need those connections just as much as anyone else.

1. Are you easy to get along with?

That’s a difficult question to answer. The simple answer is no. I say that because I tend to desire solitude and one way I seek that is by being stubborn and generally unpleasant.

1. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

When I’m drunk, I don’t need to be taken care of, so this question is irrelevant.

1. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I’m attracted to people who compensate for a lot of my shortcomings. I like people with positive outlooks and are not immediately mistrustful of people.

1. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

No.

1. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

I too shall say “same gender” which I believe is problematic phrase, too. I’m always meeting people who occupy space in my head due to some kind of attraction, but there is someone specific who is in class with me. It’s kind of a strange situation and I’ll decide if it warrants more explanation than that.

1. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

No.

1. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

It’s depressing to realize that I haven’t had a good conversation with someone in many many months.

1. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Luv ya!” and I’m incredibly embarrassed by that awful grammar and spelling.

1. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

“I Want to Drag You Around” by Blondie

“24 Karat Gold” by Stevie Nicks

“Wicked Games” by The Weeknd

“The Next Day” by David Bowie

“Atonement” by Anberlin

1. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

I do, but I’m very sensitive about people touching me so not just anyone can walk up to me and start playing with it.

1. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Absolutely.

1. What good thing happened this summer?

I lived through it.

1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

He has passed away, so that’s not really an option.

1. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Is there life? Of course. Is it intelligent? Jury’s still out on that one, hell, I haven’t even decided if there’s intelligent life on THIS planet. Although, orangutans are pretty damn smart.

1. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Who can remember that far back?

1. Do you like bubble baths?

I don’t like them but I’m told I need them.

1. Do you like your neighbors?

I’ve never socialized with my neighbors other than niceties.

1. What are your bad habits?

Casual disregard for others’ feelings, smoking, heavy procrastination. Oh, and I dwell.

1. Where would you like to travel?

The middle east.

1. Do you have trust issues?

I don’t trust someone who says that they don’t have trust issues.

1. Favorite part of your daily routine?

I don’t have a daily routine yet. Every day is just as random and out-of-order as the one before it.... is that another bad habit?

1. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

I think it would be easier to name a part of my body with which I am comfortable, but even that question has me drawing blank.

1. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my pulse.

1. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I sometimes wish my skin was a little darker only because of how sensitive it is to sunburn.

1. Who are you most comfortable around?

I don’t have anyone in my life right now with whom I am comfortable.

1. Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up?

No. Thanks for making me dwell on that now… here comes that depression.

1. Do you ever want to get married?

This question brings up whether or not I have a definition of marriage. Would I like to spend time with someone, as much time as possible? Yes. Would I want to ensure that I have legal protections in place for myself and my partner? Yes. Would I want a religious ceremony or special occasion to mark the announcement of a commitment? No. Would I demand that we celebrate an anniversary of some sort? You bet your boots, partner.

1. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yes, but it’s that stupid lesbian-bun length. I’ll get my length back. The question is, do I want to stay brunette.

1. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Hmmm… this is a tough one. I would probably say Ezra Miller and Michael Willett. Although they’re really young, maybe I should be more age-appropriate. Chris Evans (he’s a classic) and Salim Kechiouche…

1. Spell your name with your chin.

No.

1. Do you play sports? What sports?

I haven’t played sports in a couple of years, but I’m super excited to be playing badminton again this Winter.

1. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Television. Barely watch it now.

1. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yes, that was a habit I was in to when I was young, but now I make sure to express myself… as long as I know that those feelings are real.

1. What do you say during awkward silences?

Sometimes nothing. Why must we fill all this space with words?

1. Describe your dream girl/guy?

I don’t really have a dream guy except probably for the fact that he’s foreign. I feel like my whole life has lacked culture so I want someone to share that aspect of life.

1. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I don’t know.

1. What do you want to do after high school?

Wait, was this survey meant for a teenager? Well if I compared my current self to all my goals in high school, I guess I’ve failed at everything.

^^^^^^^^^^HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA, I’m not changing that because it’s PERFECT!!!!!!

1. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Second chances to me have nothing to do with forgiveness, they have to do with redemption. Even if someone cannot make right something that happened, the compassionate thing to do is let them try. It can begin the healing process for both parties involved.

1. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

It either means that I have nothing to say, or I have so much to say that to distract myself from saying something hurtful, I’m plotting your death.

1. Do you smile at strangers?

Oh God… don’t we have to? Isn’t that an American/Californian thing.... Another thing I loved about France is that I didn’t have to fucking smile all the time.

1. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

I’ll stay in a breathable environment, thank you.

1. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

I don’t have an answer for this… mainly because there are days where I don’t.

1. What are you paranoid about?

Everything.

1. Have you ever been high?

Yes, it’s fucking awful.

1. Have you ever been drunk?

The real question is have I ever been sober.

1. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I’m such a privacy freak, I can’t even believe I’m filling out this survey as truthfully as I am.

1. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?

Teal.