Milk - 20/02/2002 in Opendiary Archive

Just thinking about the whole half empty half full thing. It’s an inherently reductionist statement. Let’s jazz it up a bit.

Optimist: The glass is half full

Pesimist: The glass is half empty

Realist: The glass is going to be empty eventually.

Paranoid: The Glass is half empty. Why? WHY? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER HALF?!

Goth: Ahha. A half empty glass. A sign from my DARK MASTER!!! Bwahahahahaha!

Greb: half full or half empty? It’s a little soon to start imposing roles on it.

Trendy: Milk? Does if have any shooters mixed in?

Kappaslappa: Muilk? What is Muilk?

Philosopher: The glass is merely an influx of our perceptions, and it’s paradynammic of 1/2 full is a view of our sociological instrospection.

Alcoholic: The glass is half empty. Soon to be empty.

Godsquad: The glass is half full, but if we wait around for another 2000 years, maybe Jesus will be born again, and miraculously fill it up.

Agnostic: The glass is half full, I think. But if someone proves me otherwise, I’m open to their viewpoint.

Chauvenist: The glass is half full? Oi b***h, top this up!

Activist: The glass is half empty, and that’s what responsible for all the evil in the world. We MUST take immediate action.

Pacifist: What did the glass ever do to you eh?

Nationalist: Milk is WHITE OK!!!! WHITE!!!! WE ARE THE SUPERIOR RACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Socialist: Ok, so yeah milk is white. But the glass is clear man!

Naturalist: A glass? I drink my milk straight from the cow thankyou.

surrealist: Milk? Milk? The dark badger has my fork in it you know. I told them no more springs.

Communist: The glass is half full. I gave the other half to the rest of my country. But one half was bigger than the other.

Capitalist: The glass was full, but the government taxed me on it, and now it’s half full. But if I spend that half, maybe I’ll be happy.

LSD user: The Glass! THE GLASS! IT’S COMING TO GET ME AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

PCP user: I can swallow this glass whole. No really. I can! Don’t believe me?! Right then, watch this!!!!

Dope user: Mmmmmmmmm, milk man. glug glug

Speed user: Milk yeah milks great, and glasses too, yeah you can get them half full you know and it’s nice coz then you can drink it and it’s yummy and this one time...... (ad infinitum).

More to come when I’ve got a minute spare.