On the subject of women. - 25/01/2002 in Opendiary Archive

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Ok, so Lucrecia started me off on this, so it’s all her fault. And I’m sorry, because I know this is blatent sterotyping, but TOUGH!!!!!

1) Ok, men leave the toilet seat up, but there’s a good reason for this. We need to know if Gremlins are there waiting to get us. It’s TRUE. We have an unnatural fear that if we lift up the lid on a toilet seat something will leap out and claw of our throats.

2) Women are worse. You think men are bad because we complain about going bald? Hah! This is coming from a gender that thinks it’s too fat, complains, goes on a diet, and then cheats on it’s own diet!!!!

3) Ok men make a mess. There is a good reason. Because if we let you tidy stuff up, we never find it again!!!! You put something in the cupboard, next time we go to get it, it’s GONE!!!!! What do you do with it? Send it to Narnia?

4) You think you have the right, once every month, to become a TOTAL B***H!!!! Why? And then you begin to cry, and apologise, saying you’re sorry! Do one or the other. Don’t apologise for being a bitch, or don’t be a bitch, it’s VERY simple.
It’s not even for 1 week. All the books say it should be, but you all suffer
a) Pre Menstrual Tension
b)Menstrual Tension
c) Post menstrual Tension.

All this combined means there’s only about 4 days when you aren’t suffering from it.

5) You think all men are children, because deep down, you want to treat us like them. Oh YES! don’t deny it, because we all know what you really want is to pin us down and keep us in a box!!!! Marriage was a WOMANS idea.

6) Women are impossible to understand. DELIBERATLY. You do this because you know if we understood you, we’d stop trying. It’s true but unfair. You make contradictory statements and expect us to accept them, then when we don’t you come back with “You don’t understand me anyways!”. That’s coz we don’t have a rule book.

7) You drop hints. WHY? We don’t. We want something, we ask; we need something, we tell; We don’t like something, we complain. You do the following

M: Something wrong dear?
F: No. I’m fine.
M: Is that fine as in you’re actually ok, or fine as in I’m about to get my head ripped off?
F: It’s fine as in I’m fine!! OK??!!
M: Ah, that sort then.
F: What do you mean by that?
M: Erm.... just that you seem upset, dear.
F: And what would you know about my feelings??!
M: Erm, er, nothing dear?
F: You SAYING I’M INCOMPREHENSIBLE?!
M: No no!! Just that I don’t know why you’re unhappy.
F: You wouldn’t. You don’t understand me.
M: I try.
F: I KNOW!!!! I’m SORRRY!!!!!! Breaks down in tears.

Or something like that.

8) You want sexual equality, as long as the man still
a) Pulls out your chair for you
b) is romantic
c) Caters to your every whim
d) offers to pick up the cheque
e) Gives you multiple orgasms.
f) Opens the door for you
g) In fact, TREATS YOU LIKE A GODDESS!!!!

And if we ask, we’re not supposed to do any of these things. But if we don’t we’re bastards, and if we do we’re chauvanists. Thanks.

9) You want a man to look after you, and protect you, as long as he doesn’t dominate you in anyway whatsoever.

Ok, like I say, these a stereotypes. But stereotypes are true as well. Think about them girls, it’s not all our fault.