Entry 108: A Detailed Account of My Weekend in Much Ado About Nothing

I will try to be brief. I realized I could do one entry per day and write 4 entries but I’d rather attempt to police myself to be brief and write less than 4 new entries all at once. We’ll see what happens. If there are suddenly 4 new entries starting on Friday and ending on Sunday, we’ll know that didn’t work out!

Friday morning I awoke with my foot in that now classic pain that screams THIS IS GOUT. As I had entirely changed my diet after the last attack, I was incredibly upset. Shifting to an expensive produce diet had done nothing. I was given steroids and told to schedule with my GP as soon as possible because 3 attacks in 4 months can’t remain an Urgent Care problem. My father has since informed me that Gout isn’t just a him hereditary issue but him, his father, and his grandfather. Which suggests… I could go Water Only Vegan and it still wouldn’t impact my Gout potential. After Urgent Care, I grabbed the steroids, went home, packed, and Nala and I were on our way.

I arrived at my parents, enjoyed a lunch, caught up with them a bit, then checked social media. Randy Feltface, whom I was going to Omaha to see, had expanded the tour again and had placed a date in my parents’ town. Frustrating, but frankly- just more evidence of my life. That said, another 2 hours of driving to Omaha to see the show. I had paid a premium for Front Row and boy howdy. There were three tables that could fit 4 people where the corner of the table was on the stage and I was seated at THAT table. If you see any footage of Randy speaking with a woman from the FBI, I was at that show at that table. It was a good show, a bit quick, and I had a good time. Definitely took note that it would have been a miserable and terrible experience for both Hermia and Laura for much different reasons. At the Merch Table, I bought a signed poster and a CD… which turned out to be a BBC Radio 4 mini-series, so it lasted the entire drive back to my parents. Nala spent the night happily sleeping between my mom and Dad (sleeping between two people as she sometimes did with Nancy and I as a pup).

Saturday morning, I was taking Mom to Hadestown. Which… was a LOT better than if I had taken Laura for a number of reasons. First and foremost, quality time with Mom. Secondarily, Mom really wanted to see the show. Third, Mom understood more about the Theater and a discussion regarding the theater. The show itself was good, the two women behind us were openly sobbing at the end. As the tickets had originally been purchased for me and Hermia, I again, had a moment to realize “This would have been much less pleasant with her. For a number of reasons.” AND THEN I THOUGHT- for a woman that was outright rude to me about the amount of Death In Entertainment I own… her favorite musical is HADESTOWN? About Orpheus and Euridice? Okay… just another reason in the “Not my circus anymore” positives! Being rude to other people for something that can also describe you… always a bad sign.

When we got home, Dad had been painting the doors (it’s their project for this week) but it also meant that he would be tired and likely self-medicating. Mom and I took the dogs for a walk hoping that, instead, Dad would just have a bit of a lie down. The walk was decent, but even with a gentle leader, Nala pulled so much on the walk that her leash’s hand-loop broke, so now it is less a leash and more a vinyl strap with a clip at the end.

Saturday Evening is where… much can be written. I’ll just say first and foremost? IS THE NEXT ENTRY. So… everything I would write HERE… is actually… Entry 109.
That said, Dad was grilling and we were preparing other things and… all in all not bad. Except… we didn’t have red wine for steak. We had white. The three of us had agreed an hour before dinner that, even though Chris offered, there was no need to send him to the store to fix this meaningless “oversight.” However, in that hour… Dad came in to “rummage around cabinets” and stayed outside a lot. In conversation with my mom? Well… At the start of the year, Dad had decided to cut out Hard Liquor. Just Beer, Wine, and Marijuana. Then, he realized Marijuana effected his personality and stopped using that for a bit. But a few weeks ago, he had told my mother that he was re-including Marijuana and was also hiding a bottle of whiskey in the house. HIS words. HIDING. She didn’t ask him to HIDE it. She wouldn’t have cared if he had bought it and placed it in the liquor cabinet, at least she would have known. But he’s moved to the HIDING it stage. Thus the “rummaging in the cabinets.” So that, ten minutes before dinner is to start, Dad is freaking out because we don’t have red wine. Starts looking through his wallet to get me money because I have to fix this problem. Never mind that the store he was insisting on was already closed. So, Mom and I calmed him down as best we could for that to just… let’s eat. We started to eat, and Dad coped an attitude regarding the TV. The music was loud and he couldn’t hear the people talking- should he put his Hearing Aids in? OF COURSE, but (as mom said) it’s too late now. He then got weird. Like… looking at me and mom and getting one of those “MY FAMILY” goofy smiles as he softly repeated the words “mine… hrmp… mine”. So… there’s an extra little level of creepy there. He ate… probably 80% of his dinner, then stood up (we thought to get his hearing aids) but went into the living room to start and set a fire in the fire place. IT WAS 71 DEGREES OUT ON SATURDAY! He then lays on his back in the middle of the living room. Just… splayed there. Mom actually leans over and says, “And he’ll get up in an hour and fix himself a bowl of cereal, I guarantee it.” Which of course is exactly what he did. NOW, there’s some room for compassion. Tuesday marks 1 Year since his best friend died. The best friend he’d had since he was 10 (or younger). So, there’s some compassion. BUT also… concern. Well founded concern.

Saturday night, partly because of my dad but MOSTLY because of Entry 109, I slept like shit. Didn’t even fall asleep until past 3 a.m.! And frankly, the relationship stuff of 109 mixing with how far Dad had gotten? Made the sleeplessness extra. Because truth is? Right now, my path is mostly looking like “I’ll get to enjoy the worst parts of aging entirely alone; no partner and no children to help. So… that’s not a comforting realization.” At about 2 a.m., Nala got sick of Dad’s restlessness and joined me in my room. So about 90 minutes later, I was finally out.

Considering the night before, I suppose it should be no surprise that on Sunday the man who “centers on faith” so much that he thinks Christian Nationalists have a point.... said he was too sick for church. He was feeling nauseous and dizzy and weak. Pretty strong signs of a hangover, really. BUT mom is also right that there are… many versions of Dad now. Marijuana changes his personality significantly. Alcohol does, too, but I grew up with that- the Alcohol and No Alcohol personalities. But you take the current Age Based Issues personalities and throw in the Marijuana Personality… and mix it all together with the Alcohol… and… yeah. My dad is now, easily, four or five different people throughout a given day. We watched Church on TV and discussed possible Easter plans. I drove back home and felt a devastating emotional wave as I entered. Again, largely influenced by Entry 109.... but when my mind is in THAT place already, I start spiraling out about how much I need to do in my house and how much I hate my disgusting gut. Because I have no time to do anything and apparently no ability to achieve what I want to; so I start spiraling into a panic attack over how much I want to get done, how much I do honestly want to do, and the ever growing evidence that NONE OF IT will ever get done!

I then ate dinner, responded to some Democratic Campaign Messaging Requests, and did laundry. It is now 9:20 CST, I still have entry 109 to write and I need to be at work early tomorrow and stay late; especially as rehearsals for MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING start on Tuesday.