I just don't know. in Since OD is shutting down....

We had the rummage sale at my Mom’s yesterday. My daughter and I got there before 8am and my boyfriend came a while later. He had to load up the trailer full of stuff. We made a little bit of money. We did get into a little bit and I came home. Later he called to remind me of the Daddy/Daughter dance so he came home and took my little one to that. She had a really good time and won a bunch of stuff from raffle tickets. We were okay and he gave me money for my car payment because I paid for the motel room on Wednesday night.

Then today we went to her house to try and sell some more stuff but no one came because it was just cold and windy. I got laundry done and waited for her to show up. I took her to look at a place but it was a complete and utter dump. She has no idea where her and my little brother are gonna go. Well my boyfriend wanted me to go with him but she didn’t feel like babysitting. After I’ve helped her sell a bunch of rummage and I’ve been posting shit online for weeks now. I’m pretty pissed.

Since I had a kid almost 8 years ago, I have missed out on so much in life that it’s not even funny. As shitty as this is going to come out, I feel everyone has used my child to control me. I get that life changes once you have a child but it’s frustrating when you just watch life pass you by because there’s NEVER A FUCKING BABYSITTER!!! I understand that everyone has their own life but I will not be helping her anymore and if we do decide to move out of this state, I plan on changing my phone number and maybe my last name one way or another. I don’t plan to EVER have contact with anyone I’m related to ever again.

My boyfriend got pretty upset with me when I said, “fuck that bitch” because his Mom died about 12 years ago and he said I’m going to regret those words. Well, no I won’t because I am always so much happier when I have nothing to do with people who live their lives in complete and utter negativity and can’t seem to ever do anything for anyone else but expect you to move mountains to help them. I have a lot of deep seeded hatred for my Mother and when there’s always some reason why she can’t help me, I have every right to get upset.

Nothing here is ever going to change and I told her on the way to dump her ass off that I don’t want her to be crying that we’re leaving. I don’t have any help here, never did and I’m ready to move on with my own life. I’m not going to have help no matter where I live so why not see other parts of the world?! This thing where it’s always been put to me that I should just stay and wait for things to change is disgusting. No I’m a grown woman and I’m good to make my own choices whether it upsets other people or not.

I’m just always pissed when I help them in any way, shape, or fucking form because I never get that in return. I literally can’t wait until I’m too far away for them to ask anything of me. I got dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to “family” and I will be so fucking glad when I live really far away and I am going to make sure they can’t contact me ever again.

Part of the issue with them is there’s always something wrong. There’s always some problem. I get it now that they have a week to find somewhere to live and she got approved for low income housing and plans to sneak my little brother in where he’s going to end up getting them evicted because he’s crazy and the cops will end up having to remove him. I keep trying to tell her that once the cops come, they will be getting evicted because he’s not supposed to be there but both her and my Dad like his paycheck so they have never tried to get him in a place where he could get the help that he needs.

You seriously can not help people who aren’t willing to help themselves. You can’t help people who refuse to aid in their own rescue. I couldn’t IMAGINE being dependent on my child!