Broadway('s Dark Tonight) in General

Broadway is dark tonight
A little bit weaker than you used to be
Broadway is dark tonight
See the young man sittin’ in the old man’s bar
Waitin’ for his turn to die…
-Goo Goo Dolls, Broadway

It’s Gray and gloomy and raining and 35°.

I called out for the rest of the week, granted that’s only two days. Have not been feeling well. But the truth of the matter is I haven’t felt well in a very freaking long time.

Part of the decision-making matrix when I decided I would retire was that understanding that we all have a finite number of heartbeats left.

And deciding how you want to spend those heartbeats decides the final phase of your life.

I rarely sleep more than an hour at a time and that’s if I’m lucky. I can force myself to sleep. All it takes is a couple of Benadryl or 30 milligrams of melatonin.

But that’s not quality sleep.

Saturday, I have an appointment to go look at apartments in the high rises they built behind the Cook’s Corner mall. It’s more an exercise just to see what they look like and to briefly consider whether I could live in something that small (says the man considering living in an RV). They are all around 500 square feet. I’d have to get rid of a lot of stuff. Right now, I live in a 1200 square foot condo with an attached garage and lots of storage space.

And it’s at least partially mine at this point. I have a fair amount of equity after making three mortgage payments a month for two years. Between my equity and my 401K I’d estimate I have about 80 to $100,000 semi liquid.

That would be a good start on an RV.

But I don’t think the prices of anything are ever going to come down again. Which means the longer I live the less income I will have.

Last resort if I live too long will be the soldiers’ and sailors’ home in Togus. The very last resort.

I’m not dead yet, but I can feel it’s clammy hands on the back of my neck. This weather is not helping my mood.

I am resisting the urge to obsessively check on the status of my Social Security application recognizing it’s going to take a couple of months.