Please Be Over in Current Events

Our communications director called a family meeting yesterday. He told us that he got an email explaining that our Youth Program Manager and Wellness Director will not be returning from leave.

The saga started a month ago. We all have some trauma because of it. The Wellness Director is not just the face of the organization but the soul. She was our Scabbe. I knew that she was not returning because HR was in yesterday and they emptied her office of her personal effects.

I kept looking over at my coordinator, he looked disturbed. I know he is stressing over the same thing as me. We aren’t allowed to talk about it with each other but we know that head office came to speak to us separately. The information they got from us was used against them, guaranteed. He must feel guilty. I feel some guilt, at least. I kept pushing my limits. I am annoyed that we weren’t informed that we were participating in an investigation. They didn’t tell us what the information was being used for. I was supposed to get an email about my conversation so that I could respond to it. We will see if that happens.

I just hope that this saga is over. Other managers at other locations have been let go as well. Unrelated to us but it is evident that there is something far bigger than me going on. The woman who took over the organization said she was coming to talk to my coordinator about our budget. This is a good sign. He asked for help weeks ago. She apologized for the hold-up and promised that she hadn’t forgotten about him. She had been super busy. She is doing three positions.

Blah, I can only control what I can control. The deep sinking feeling, I’m getting numb to it again.

Today I have a one-on-one. It is with the one who has AUDHD. His whole family dissolved in January, we are trying to be there for him. I don’t know what he will want to do today. He is our biggest personality, he is a masker. My coordinator took him out last time and told me that he changed. He kept his hood up and was quiet. That breaks my heart. I am curious to see if he will open up to me. He has in the past. I’m always nervous to see him. He’s very unpredictable. He is a flight risk. Our program is, or was, the only place his mother could get him to go to without a fight. He doesn’t have to mask his AUDHD when he is with us, is what he described. He’s been hesitant as of late. He doesn’t want to come to our group programs. He wants one-on-ones and wants to alternate between mentors. This is exactly what we wanted as well. He and another kid always turn the group programs into Lord of The Flies. We have iced them out for a bit. Those two fight. It is Clash of the Titans. They are the biggest personalities there. All but two of our participants are Cardinal Signs so that’s a lot of kids who think they are in charge.

I went to bed very early so that I could get back to the 5 AM club. I hadn’t been sleeping well. I somewhat succeeded. Don’t have time for the gym but that will be there for me tomorrow. My own ADHD has been rampant. All my own goals have been on the back burner. I’ve just been letting my ADHD do what it needs to do to cancel out any negative feelings that I have. This is basically me doom-scrolling until my eyes bleed. I need to stop and get a life.