Wow you guys missed out in Journal

I had an amazing entry and prosebox lost it

It was great.

Anywho, hahahaha

I’ve been thinking about alignment a lot. I’m a pretty… unique? human being just compared to the status quo for a lot of reasons, but the most/biggest/is-est reason that my identity is iconoclasatic. Like, you know how you meet someone and they’re responding to you, but it feels off and it’s like they’re talking to some ideal in their head that they are worshipping somewhat? Yeah? No? Well I get that a lot. A LOT. I mean… pretty much always. Maybe that’s not your experience.
So I mean, ofc I had all sorts of childhood trauma and doubt and self worth issues so that results in a mis-match of gigantic proportions. I mean, I imagine that it’s not much of a mis-match for a celebrity to receive such attention. For one who believes genuinely in their own badness and selfishness, etc etc, is much more of a mismatch…

What I’m getting at is that who I am, genuinely, and at the foundational core of this reality is completely a product of this reality, partially, and completely self-created, partially. LOL
“there’s a 100% probability that there will be 50% chance of rain today, folks”
The paradox of free will is thusly; within the complete and perfect framework of physics, and cause and effect consequentialism, you have complete and perfect free will.
The part of me that is a product of this reality is the part that I don’t currently have access to change, mold, or make any different at all. It is just the way that I work. I was made this way, and whoever made it this way is the one with the responsibility for that. The part of the me that is up to me- that is the free will part.
To my shame, the part that was up to me was the beliefs that I had about myself and my experiences- the parts about worthlessness, selfishness, badness, etc. Except they weren’t held about the free-will part of myself- how could they be? when that free will part must act to hold them?- they were about the reality part of me. And, to my further shame and embarrassment- I let others’ free will beliefs effect my belief about that perfectly formed being as well.

So, friends, instead of accepting and embracing and living in my identity of an iconoclast, I have been degrading it, rejecting it… all the negative things. And it was ofc my biggest complaint! That limiting beliefs stop me from doing what I clearly am capable of doing. In my own way. With magic- or with what seems like magic to everyone else, I suppose.

Looking forward, though, and in knowing of my own capabilities, there are literally no limits except my own beliefs. And that is so clearly proved empirically through all my past experiences.