This is not a test. No really, it’s real. I’m not faking it. This is real. HELLO?! in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I am fine. The earthquake in Bangkok did not affect me too much.

I was at work recording a message for Limp while it happened. The message is pretty boring but it ends with “Holy Shit, the building’s shaking!”

I honestly, don’t have the bandwidth to write about another disaster. I mean, at this point in my life, how many of these damn things have I wrote about? Ironically, I was going through the storage in my laptop and found the entry I wrote about 9/11.

That one really crushed me. Now, I’m a white woman with a cigarette in her hand waving furiously for her martini.

I honestly feel like Buffy… how many apocalypses is one person supposed to live through?

My favorite thing about the whole situation was my mother. She has all of these rules, things we have to do as her children, to make her feel safe and sound so she can sleep at night. These are ridiculous things, like we are supposed to have our location visible to her anywhere in the world at all times. We are supposed to call her every day. We need to give detailed contact information for every person we have close contact with (meaning, if I go someone’s house, I am supposed to give her the full name, address and phone number of that person).

Presumably, these are all so that she can get in contact with us during an emergency or, the more likely scenario according to her, so she can direct law enforcement to the location of our remains in the aftermath of a disaster.

I once asked her what she thinks is going to happen, and the things she said were kind of amusing, if not for the fact that I’ve been through fires, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, blizzards, robberies, mugging, mass shootings, drive-by shootings, riots, terrorist attacks and of course a pandemic.

However, despite me having been through those things, she doesn’t know about most of them because I doubt she could handle it.

Which is why I find it doubly ironic that when I am actually going through a crisis, she doesn’t pick up. She was gone for a few days on a bachelorette party and missed the whole news cycle because she was stuck on a houseboat in the middle of Lake Tahoe for three days.

I also have no way to really contact my little brothers. So if I had died, no one would have known and it seems as though no one would have cared. But I think that’s par for the course in my life at this point.