To want what I have, to take what I’m given with grace, for this I pray… in General

To want what I have, to take what I’m given with grace, for this I pray…”
-Don Henley

I called out from work today. As I always do, I got up, showered, shaved, dressed, packed my lunch and water bottle and my work from home office (a bunch of file folders) before making the decision.

Then I logged on to work and told the boss I wouldn’t be in.

It was a dreary, rainy and sleety day.

I didn’t sleep because of the crap going on at work. I glanced at my emails but didn’t spend any real time. I was off the clock with no intension of clocking in.

I obsessively analyzed my finances while watching episodes of The Walking Dead. That show remains perfect escapism for me. It is difficult to worry about finances while the world on the show has gone to hell.

I am eligible for Social Security, even though I am only 62. But I have paid into the system since I was 15 years old.

Using my robust excel proficiency, I figured out that there really is no benefit to waiting to start drawing Social Security.

When doing this kind of analysis you have to make certain assumptions dash and one of the assumptions I had to make was how long I would draw Social Security.

So, I had to pick a date that I was going to die. I arbitrarily chose 78 years old on my birthday.

I may pass off this mortal coil earlier than that or later than that. I’m in no hurry to croak.

But it was kind of surprising that my excel analysis showed there was no benefit to waiting. And if anything, under the assumption that I would die on my birthday at the age of 78 waiting until 70 to start drawing so security cost me a substantial amount. It is eye opening when you do the analysis with the assumption that death is inevitable.

So the conclusion I drew this morning was that four months before my birthday this year I will fill out the online form applying for Social Security. Four months being that’s what the Social Security Administration says is the average lag time between applying and getting benefits.

Benefits are not really the right word. That is my fucking money. 15-year-old me had no choice other than to contribute to Social Security withholding and Medicare withholding.

The Jack Nuts in Congress spend that money as if it’s some kind of free bag that doesn’t belong to anybody. It belongs to me, and it belongs to everybody else who’s ever paid into the system.

So, unless something abruptly changes at work next month I will be applying for Social Security at the end of May, and I will be retiring on my birthday, which is the 6th of August.

I know there’s a pattern at GD/BIW, they pay very well for this part of the world. Yet they do everything they can to make people dislike the company. I suppose it’s a way to keep wages down even though they must pay well to get people to work in the environment. Shipbuilding is not for the faint of heart, which is why New Englanders are the preeminent shipbuilders on the planet.

And I work at two computer monitors with a bunch of Byzantine programs that are not easy to learn. I don’t even put torch to metal. I geek out eight hours a day.

I can afford to retire, assuming what the Social Security Administration sent me in February is what I will get if I retire at the age of 63.

I also must accept the fact that I will never pay off my condo. And things will be slightly tighter than they are now, but not by much.

I somewhat regret spending all my work income on mortgage payments. I have been making three mortgage payments a month for the last two years and living on my Navy retirement. In hindsight I should have been stockpiling that money.

I could have a pretty penny in the bank right now had I done that. But I should look at it as what it is, equity. Between my 401K and the equity in the condo I have quite a bit of money tied up.

And that’s not nothing.

I don’t know when I’m going to have the conversation with the boss, I don’t feel good about it. Because everybody else in the office is already scheduled to retire. And I feel like I should stick around at least until she finds replacements.

But I hate the way I feel about work right now. My entire work life I have always been the best at what I was doing. No exceptions.

Right now, I feel sort of useless in that I can’t see the changes coming that affect the way we do business. And I really do not like feeling that way.

I don’t even know if I’m going to work tomorrow morning. Because suddenly I have twice as much PTO. If I’m done in August I don’t have to hold on to sick time for the rest of the year.

The question is what do I do with the rest of my life.

Part of me wants to go back and be a gym rat like I was in my early 20s. I talked with a friend who is a self-publishing writer about finishing up some of my unfinished works of fiction. More of a hobby than an actual income stream.
But who knows? The vagaries of the publishing industry are a big unknown to me. I could trip and fall into a puddle of money.

If it’s not obvious I’m using Microsoft to Dictate to write this. It’s kind of convenient because my fingers are no longer as nimble as they once were and if I speak slowly and go back and edit I can do OK using Dictate.

I know this entry doesn’t live up to the title. I don’t feel like I’m being as gracious as I should be. This job was a very good opportunity, and I met some very nice people. Even my boss is probably the best boss I’ve ever had.

And I’ve had some awesome bosses in my lifetime. I’ve also had some crappy bosses which makes comparisons a lot easier.

Well prose box, which in my head I still think of as “dear diary” you are the 1st to hear of my plans.

I suppose I’ll find out how it all works out.