Flip Your Hair in Current Events

I knew that the shock would wear off so I made sure I had a soft landing.

Whenever my mind tried to assign meaning or play out the worst-case scenario, I was able to remind myself that they were just thoughts. It will be more of that today. However, my body keeps the score. This is why I needed a soft landing. I started to feel the stress and the burn of that existential dread. I created space for it. Who knows? This could turn into something amazing. I have to try to add some optimism.

I completed my spring cleaning, even though we just got a fresh dump of snow. 6 inches. I did my complete self-care routine. What I failed at was getting my meals in. I can give myself some grace. My appetite was compromised. I went to the gym four days in a row and Friday was supposed to be my recovery day. It was but I didn’t fuel it properly. On that note, I need to reschedule my dietitian appointment. I need to revisit our action plan. We were working on habit building. I got more from her on that than I ever did from my Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. I’m at least getting the proper amount of meals in. Now I just need to dial in on the macros.

Come to think of it, I haven’t been committed to much outside of work. I keep picking a day to tune into myself and I keep failing to do so. I have my side quests and my own personal goals to think about.

When I spoke with my mother, she reminded me about my plan to do UberEats. Just go out on some random evenings. Her friend just did that and made $140 on her first Friday night. I got time for that. I didn’t have the winter tires for it so I was waiting for spring. I’ll replace my tires by next winter. I needed a side hustle.

Then there is my podcast idea that I keep sitting on. I have people at work trying to support me with that. They have degrees to support it. To help build my brand. Connections to studios. Like, what is my problem? I have a dopamine deficiency. I’ve named it so now I’m trying to tame it. Starting is the hard part when you have ADHD. Literally don’t have the chemical for motivation. Have to use adrenaline. My loophole, that makes me so high functioning, is that I don’t hesitate when it is a service to others. This is why I do not have ADHD when it comes to work. I have been meaning to restructure my metacognition. Make everything a service to creator. Serve god and the truth.

I am taking today off as well. We don’t have program with our participants today. It is spring break so we are giving every single day next week to them. Most of them are going to a pow-wow today and we were going to go but… we also need a day where the three of us can focus on our program altogether. Since we finally have the opportunity to do that. Of course, my coordinator doesn’t know that HR called me and isn’t allowed to know. We are under a microscope at the moment. I am 99.9% confident that this will not add up to anything and will finally be put to rest very very soon.

Saturday is usually my roommates me-day. I’m crashing it. She was storming around the apartment and making a lot of noise. She is either in a hurry or she is triggered. She’s a Taurus, of course she is a poor communicator when it comes to her feelings. Muahaha. Tonight we are renting The Substance and hanging out. Tomorrow we watch The White Lotus. Straight white men can’t be victims, according to the woke Taliban. [Spoiler Warning] The character, Saxon, has a deplorable personality and people are saying that he deserved being SA’d on the show. He did not. He is a victim. Of course, we are going to discover that Lachlan was not drunk or high that night and was in complete control. He’s a predator. I think he is the character that dies.

Today, I will at least get groceries and meal prep. I need to visit my action plan with my dietitian. I’m doing enough right, I know that because I am the proud owner of 7lbs that I gained back. I might hit up the gym later. It is leg day. I was getting frustrated with my physique. I’m 6”1’ Of course I won’t put on gains as fast as the 5’ nothings. I have been slacking, I am now lifting crazy heavy and only doing 8 reps. This is what my naturopath told me to do and he promised me I would gain that 20lbs I wanted in no time.

Since I now have group benefits, I should start looking for a new naturopath. See a chiro and an RMT. I am scared of chiros so maybe an osteopath. Whatever.

I used to have a saying. If it ain’t gonna matter in a days time, or a weeks time, or a years time, in a lifetime, just flip your hair girl and get over it now. This saga at work won’t matter this time next year no matter how this turns out. The reason I feel so disturbed is because I don’t have any control. This is extra hard for someone who is a control freak. Let go and let god you big bloated bitch.

On with my day then. With my long weekend. Party