Middle of the Night Update in Leah's NICU Journey

Tonight is my first night staying in the NICU with Leah and I’m already thankful many times over that I get to be here. I’m not sure if it’s because Leah is doing so well or because I’m a nurse or what but the NICU nurses let me do a lot more with Leah recently than when she first got here. They’ve completely let me take over her ‘cares’ - meaning taking her vital signs, changing her diaper, carrying her between the bassinet and the chair, feeding her, burping her and putting her back, swaddled up and milk drunk. In the first few days they would do all these things then gradually they’d have me help…now, perhaps with the added confidence that comes with feeling less and less like I might break her, they don’t do any of it. It’s pretty awesome. I’m actually getting to be a mom. :)

Staying here at night is especially priceless. Not only is my milk supply significantly improved being here but there aren’t visitors (as much as I love them they do interrupt the flow of cares for Leah/pumping/drinking water/down time for Mom) and it’s just me and Leah and the nurses. The nurses, I will say again because it can’t be said enough, are spectacular. Calm and reassuring, empowering and relaxed. They answer any question I have with ease and take charge of initiating the orders Leah needs to get out of here. They’re never content to just ‘listen to the doctors’ and are continually advocating for higher volume feeds, more time doing skin to skin, getting rid of her IV fluids, moving her to a crib instead of a bassinet (soon I hope!) and some even have started to talk about discharge planning for the coming weeks. They give me hope and confidence that she’s moving in the right direction and if there is anyone who has their finger on the pulse of exactly how a patient is doing, it’s the nurses. The doctors round from the doorways once a day for 5 minutes…the nurses are in here with me every hour and they’re the ones cooing at Leah and touching her and assessing every inch of her silky soft, perfectly made, can’t believe she’s mine little body. :)

The NICU is incredibly calm and quiet. I can’t get over the difference between here and our adult ICU. My job is constant noise and activity and commotion and chaos. It is nothing like that here. It is basically one giant womb. Dimly lit, nearly silent, very warm and peaceful. I’m surprised they don’t speaker in sounds of a heartbeat just to lull us all further. It certainly a place of restful healing and quiet growing. It helps my nerves as much as it helps Leah grow, I’m sure, and it certainly isn’t hard to be ‘checked out’ from reality in such a tranquil place.

Thanks to getting to do more of Leah’s cares, I got to hold her so much more yesterday than any other day. I’ve also gotten more confident where I know I can now pick her up from her bassinet and hold her to me if we’re doing things with her and she starts squeaking and rustling about. Before yesterday I’d just pet her head or speak softly to her, afraid to disturb her too much. Now I just gently lift her up, cords and wires and blanket and attachments in place, and hold her to me, swaying and singing and doing some skin to skin bonding. She eats it right up. Calming her with my voice and my actions is incredibly rewarding and I tell Leah every day that we’re a team and we’re working hard to get her out of here. I hope she figures out what that means because she has a very happy dog and a very excited dad waiting for her back home.

Ok, time to get some more sleep before the day starts. I seem to be able to sneak in two 2 hour chunks during the night and these are priceless. I’m up all day so those two chunks are the most rejuvenating sleep I get and I’ve come to savor them! :)