recovery? idinno maybe in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

so last wk. I decided to start eating again. like consciously eating again. due to something Hannah brought up. I decided I was going to eat at least 2 things a day 1 being an actual meal. um. i’m going to do that this wk. too and lowly add more until. idinno. I don’t know that I can go a month it seems too long right now. too big and too much. and i’m ok w/ that.
last wk. was 1 of the hardest wks. of my life. I mean i’ve had long week but not. not hard ones. cause it was new ya know? I was sick last wk. but it was different bc I didn’t have all these symptoms. which is another reason I decided to start eating again. cause I was tired of not feeling good for months on end. it’s still frustrating and it’s still weird. it’s like oh I can’t really hide behind my addiction anymore. that’s, not really an option. it feels so weird. i’m not saying it’s going to be a be all end all. like I said I don’t know that I can go a month. but I don’t want to not be expected to relapse. [or maybe i’m the only one who expects that of me. [yeah probably] ]. part of what anorexia was and maybe still is doing for me was/is keeping me stuck. and that’s what I liked about it. i still do actually. it was comfortable. sure not always physically but in other ways it was.