Sink or Swim in Current Events

I am feeling less raw and sensitive today.

We accrue one paid day off a month that we can bank. These are what wellness days are for, you dummy. Is all I kept thinking about at the office yesterday. My walls were torn down. I was vulnerable but I had things to do at the office.

My coordinator, myself, and our other mentor all razz on each other a bit. Yesterday, I was getting hurt by it. I can dish it out so I make damn sure that I can take it. I had to stop myself from spiraling out about it. If you take them seriously you will get hurt! I opened the door for gay jokes and they went all in. Oops.

Our office called for a family meeting. It was a bitch fest about the new guy that head office transferred to be our admin. I advocated for him. He is the son of our Executive Director who is on leave. He reports directly to the ED filling in. This makes everyone uncomfortable. He is not a double agent. He wasn’t a wizard at working our front desk on day one. It is not his fault who his mother is or that he was transferred and that they provided him with no training. He is 19, and he doesn’t know corporate culture yet. There is no training for any of us. We were just thrown into it. He is probably just as nervous about starting here too. You guys have been helping him get better. He is probably thinking that we are nice and supportive which is who we are. He trying his best to fit in and support us. I offered to take him under my wing. I’ll continue to keep our work climate sunny.

I explained to everybody how we all have trauma from the last several weeks. It is not our fault. We are hurt and confused and looking for someone to blame. We are not going to get closure. We don’t need to create an enemy construct here. There is no evidence that we are at war with head office. etc etc blah blah skibidi

I just want to get through my shift today. I will take Tuesday off as a wellness day. I need a serious me-day. I’ll force myself to go on that damn community walk that day so help me creator.

I skipped the gym this morning. It is back day. The gym will be there tomorrow. I have been doing pretty good getting my meals in, finally. I need to build this habit back. I forced myself to cook a proper meal last night. My roommate practically gasped when she got home. She was excited. Yeah! Sheppard’s Pie! Every night used to be a big production in the kitchen. I want that mojo back.

The weather outside is frightful. The electric bill’s delightful… This winter is not ending. We are barely breaking 0 yet. We’re over it.

While I was running on the treadmill yesterday I was thinking about what the shadow side of a Cap Sun, Scorp Moon, Taur Rising would look like if I surrendered to it. Then this song came on and I really felt it.