It's something in Stuff

The menty-health has been interesting this past week or so.  Very noticable that something has been nagging at me, with no real reason that I can think of for it to.  But utilising my newfound knowledge that I've learned over these past 13 months, I find myself getting better at going for a walk, getting sunlight, taking a different street to my usual route (just to get some sense of a change of environment).  I've had to utilise the 'Disordered' podcast quite a bit this week, which has been quite helpful, obviously some episodes more than others, but the ones this week have been helpful.  I've got my friend on the Goldy also dumping his mental health issues on me, so I've been trying to be a supportive friend to him as well, as he's going through a bit of a scary time, and in comparison, mine seems like nothing - however, I am still important and I'm being more okay with taking care of myself first.

I had that sort of lead-weight feeling happen to me yesterday, which hasn't happened in a while.  It tends to happen when I fall asleep on my sofa, which is oh-so-comfy, but maybe the position I'm in or whatnot, I dunno, but I'll wake up and feel like I can't move sometimes, which is rather unsettling.  It was kind of similar to that time at Mardi Gras in 2023, but that was exaggerated by having had Covid (and probably heatstroke) at the time.  Given all that's happened to me and my mind since, I do have to wonder if my anxiety was just lying more dormant back then.  I feel silly writing that, but the two times in my mid-20's when I was hospitalised and they couldn't find anything physically wrong with me, I've just had to put down to anxiety.  So now when shit happens like me feeling like there's a weight on top of me whilst I'm on the couch (and it's not a hot guy), I'm like, "Right, anxiety, there you are."

So yesterday, I forced myself to get up and went outside and went to the gym, and it went away.  Gym's been going good.  My hottie Mediterranean is usually there if I go early enough in the afternoon, but he's a total distraction.  He's totally straight though, as the gays wouldn't just wear totally black and their gym shorts are far shorter, but man, whichever girl gets to ride him every night is one lucky duck.

My sex-life has been non-existant since the threesome (which is in my friend's only entries).  I think that one was a little off-putting, even though they were nice enough guys.  And despite feeling horny a few times, there just hasn't been anyone I've been that interested in meeting up with, despite a few messages.  Another couple actually messaged me, but I was like nah.  So yeah, being picky, and me wanting things to feel more right in every aspect of my life, including sex, seems to be my current theme, so I've been content with going without.  I won't say happy, but I'll go with content haha.

And I suppose it was a rather busy week since the cyclone went over, even though I only worked three days, so that affected me mentally as well.  We're gradually getting most stock on the shelves, it's just a bit scarce with gaps everywhere.  But as long as customers aren't picky, they can mostly get what they want.  Unfortunately, a lot of customers are picky.  One lady wanted a specific type of rusk biscuit (not even a line we stock) and got upset saying she'd walked all the way to my store to get it.  Fuck-sakes, woman. 

Considering I wasn't sure if the weather system would be going far enough west to go over my mother's place.  It turns out she only got a few droplets of rain.  Meanwhile, it was torrential here haha.  They are already repairing the Gold Coast beaches, which were completely eroded.  

In other news, Australia didn't get a tariff exemption from orange-Hitler this time, and we're about the only country in the world not to hit them with one back, so that's interesting lol.  We have an election coming up, so of course they are using that as ammo against each other lol.  What a joke politics is.  I'm kinda glad there's a huge ocean between us tbh.  We've just been encouraged to "Buy Australian".  I don't think I can give up my Skechers or Birkenstocks though, not that I have to buy them very often.  They're American, right?  Anyway, enjoy the trade-war in this season of the the USA, guys!

 I did get to catch up with my friend B yesterday in the city, which was nice, and I'll go over to his place on Monday night as well for wings, but other than him and my housemate and some customers at work, that's been my social life lately, which I still really need to work on.  That and my "shadow-self".  My stars have been quite spot on lately, so I've been taking more notice of them lately.  Like the moods I'm in and I'll read it and it's reflecting exactly that.  So it's been up to the universe and I just need to listen to it.

Ergh, I've become one of 'those' people.  But hey, when the signs are there, and I'm in a vulnerable state, it's something.