I wasn't ready to lose you in The Kid Used To Dream

You read that title and think someone died. Although they are alive and well it’s the part of them that is no longer with us. It sounds selfish of me to think that way. Do I get to have feelings? Part of why we are together in the first place is because we connected mentally, spiritually and physically. Now, part of that is missing and I realized recently that I wasn’t ready to lost that part of you.

So, I try to be sensitive to how you may be dealing with it too. You act like you are okay with it. You almost act relieved. Was it that bad all these years that you finally escaped - and honestly all you had to do was tell me. It feels like you couldn’t wait for the day when your feelings changed.

I know you love me. You go out of your way to show it. I appreciate everything you do for me, for this family and this house. I guess I don’t understand why you don’t see me the same way I see you. I find myself still staring at you. I find myself hoping you’ll do the same. I get it though. I’m the provider. It feels if I wasn’t that I would just be in the way.

I enjoyed the little things - flirting, holding hands, watching a movie together, you sliding next to me in the truck or holding one another until we fall asleep. Now, I’m only a roommate in a 30yr friend zone. Love is unconditional though and I try to understand. I’m here if you recognize me again. I’m not going anywhere.